


A Time to Hope

by aphrosCartographer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Friendship, Gen, Rating: PG13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 18:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1084531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphrosCartographer/pseuds/aphrosCartographer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jake disappears from his island home, his friends must venture on a journey across worlds in order to bring him home safely.<br/>>>>>Completed work!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jake threw the ball at the ceiling and caught it as it fell back down. His body was splayed across his bed, his feet hanging off the side. He sighed as his fingers curled around the ball and he sat up with a small grunt of pain. Strider’s robot had caught him by surprise earlier today and he had been sufficiently pummeled. Yeah, those bruises would be quite the sight tomorrow. Luckily, Jake prided himself in being proficient in the healing arts and had patched himself up quite nicely. He propelled himself off his bed and set the ball on his dresser before looking himself over in the mirror. White medical bandaging cris-crossed his lanky arms and his dark hair still stuck up in untamable strands despite the shower he had taken when he had managed to escape to the house. The reflection blinked its large green eyes at the boy before turning away. His stomach growled ferociously and he sighed again. Now he would actually have to go hunting on top of all this. His annoyance grew as he stood in the middle of the room contemplating his debacle. This was all Strider’s fault! The day had been wonderful so far, he had gotten up, said hello to Jade, eaten breakfast and then decided it was the perfect day for an adventure. The fancy had taken him so suddenly that he had left without his pistols, nothing with him but the glasses on his face and the clothing on his body. He would swear up and down that there was a way Strider had known that fact and decided to send the brobot in at that exact moment. The resulting round of fisticuffs had been short, brutal, and, Jake thought with a grimace, too easy for the brobot. It seemed like that thing kept getting harder to beat. Jake spun around to grab his skulltop from the bedside table and jammed it onto his head. Strider was going to get an earful for this latest shenanigan.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]:  


GT: You and your brobot nonsense have sufficiently ruined my day of adventuring.  


GT: I hope you are pleased with your actions.  


TT: I have no idea what you are talking about English. I’ve been in my room making plush rumps spring into existence.  


GT: Oh dear lord those smuppets…  


GT: Can you please just call off the brobot? I havent been this banged up since the last time I ran into that monster.  


TT: The evil giant goat thing?  


GT: That’s the one  


TT: Yeah, I remember you talking about that at some point.  


TT: But to answer your question  


TT: No. I can’t call it off.  


GT: Why ever not?  


TT: Jake you know why I can’t call it off… We’ve had this conversation…  


GT: You promised my house was safe from it! like it was home base or something!  


GT: I can hear it crashing around downstairs now! 

And Jake was right. A tremendous crashing noise sounded from downstairs. It sounded like the brobot was having a drunken drum recital using Jake’s cookware. He sighed and started to pull the skulltop from his head when another one of Dirk’s messages caused the goggles to go haywire. 

TT: The brobot isn’t in your house Jake…  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

GT: How on earth would you know that?  


TT: Give me some credit here English  


TT: I always track my robots’ whereabouts. No matter where in time/space they are.

Another large crash from downstairs made Jake’s stomach turn. He carefully picked up the holster he had draped over his bed post as he responded to Dirk’s message.

GT: Marvelous news Strider. really capital, but I dont see how this helps my current predicament.  


GT: Whatever it is, its making a god-awful ruckus in my kitchen.  


TT: I bet you just left your door open and a stray tinkerbull flew in.  


GT: Im not certain they are that smart…  


GT: Mostly they are just adorable. 

His mind whizzed through every conceivable alternative, none of which were too pleasing. He had reloaded the gun and slammed the cartridge into place with the heel of his hand. 

GT: I will be right back. Im going to see what exactly is going on

Again, he tried to remove his helmet but the goggles flashed again and, resigned, he checked the message. 

TT: Bro. Be careful. Message me when you get back.

Jake smiled. That was his “bro”. Always looking out for him. 

GT: Promise! :)  


golgathasTerror is now an idle chum! 

He took the skulltop off and tossed it back on his bed. The cool handle of his bedroom door gave way as he turned the knob and pushed it open. The crashing in the kitchen had stopped and the only sound now was the sound of the bottom of the door as it dragged along the carpet. He carefully stepped into the hallway and checked his surroundings. The gun rested comfortably in his hand, reassuring him as he checked every corner before heading into the open. Casting a quick glance over his shoulder, Jake made his way down the stairs. He avoided the second and fourth stairs from the top because he knew those were creaky and he had yet to get around to fixing them. Who had time for fixing creaky stairs when there was a whole jungle of adventures to be had? A quick left turn and a few steps from the bottom of the stairs and he was in the kitchen.  


It had been completely ransacked. He stood still for a second, shocked by the level of destruction, but the cool metal of the gun pulled him back into reality. Now he knew he was dealing with something much more powerful than a tinkerbull or even Strider’s brobot. No, this was something much angrier. He inched carefully along the wall he was pressed against until he could peer around the corner and catch a glance of the full kitchen. Pots had been crushed, dishes smashed, and a refrigerator’s worth of food completely ruined. Jake swallowed past his dry throat and stepped into the kitchen; arms fully extended as he held the gun out and cleared the room. Nothing was there. It was like a really noisy ghost had come in, fucked up his kitchen and left. He started to relax his arms when he heard something emit a low growl from behind him.  


Years of living on an island full of terrors paid off in those moments. Jake dropped to his knees and heard something go whizzing over his head and rolled back out of the way before another blow scuffed the tile flooring. Gazing up from his position on the floor, all he could make out was a strange black figure with what looked like a dog’s head perched precariously atop a human body. Whatever the hell it was, it was angry and it acted like it wanted Jake’s head on a platter. Jake pushed himself to his feet and was able to take a quick shot at the monster before it lunged at him again, undeterred by the bullet wound in its shoulder. It slammed its body into Jake and sent them both tumbling out the front door and onto the steps leading to the house. The weather-worn edge of the stair dug into Jake’s back as he tried to grapple with the monster and heave its mass off his chest. In the process of being knocked out the door, Jake’s gun had gone skittering across the grass and lay a few meters from where he was. They struggled in a sort of strained silence for a few moments before Jake was able to land a decent kick to the monster and buy himself some time to scrabble away from it. He snatched up the gun and jumped to his feet, whirling back around to find… nothing? The grass was matted from where they had just been, but the monster had disappeared. Jake’s brows furrowed in confusion and he turned completely around to check his surroundings. Nothing.  


A few tense moments passed, but the monster did not reappear. Jake uneasily slid the gun back into its holster and walked towards the woods. If he was looking for a safe spot to relax for a few hours, he knew a few places. As his body started to relax, he could feel a sharp sting on his cheek. His hand came back red when he touched his face and he grimaced in distaste. Stupid thing obviously had claws. That was going to need to be cleaned soon.  


Now he remembered Dirk. Poor chap must be worried sick! He eased his phone out of his pocket and leaned against a tree as he quickly updated Dirk on his status. 

golgothasTerror [GT] is no longer an idle chum!  


GT: I seem to be under attack by some sort of new monster  


TT: That sounds right up your area of expertise  


GT: The problem is that it sort of…  


GT: disappeared.  


TT: Disappeared?? How?  


TT: And if you are under attack why are you talking to me English?  


TT: You should be worrying about your own ass  


TT: Instead of consulting someone who is separated from you by both time and space  


GT: That is certainly an interesting perspective  


TT: Bro, I seriously worry about you sometimes.  


TT: Put away the phone and just pay attention to your surroundings for a bit.  


GT: Dirk. Dirk I… I just remembered something.  


TT: What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously Jake  


GT: the monster. It had wings. …It could fly.


	2. Chapter 2

A second after he hit the send button a horrible crashing noise came from up above him. Branches and leaves showered Jake before he had the presence of mind to jump out of the way. The monster was now armed with something that looked like a fancy taser; not something Jake wanted to become accustomed with. The gun slid out of the holster easily, and Jake was angry with himself for being too stupid to grab his second pistol. He could use all the firepower his arsenal held right now, but the one would have to do. As the monster charged him, wildly swinging the baton, Jake rolled hard to the right and popped back up to his feet to get a shot off. The bullet hit home and the monster growled in fury and impossibly swung the baton and connected with the back of Jake’s legs.  
Pain shot all the way up through his back and his legs completely gave out as he sank to the grass. He started to panic when his legs refused to move as the dark shadow advanced on him. Shot after shot was fired with precision at the figure, but its movements refused to halt. After the last shot was gone, Jake threw the empty gun to the ground and stood on legs that refused to stop shaking.  


He’d be damned if an English went down on his knees. 

The monster’s jaw curled upwards in what looked like a smile as it advanced upon Jake. It took its time now, knowing it had a clear advantage. Jake gritted his teeth against the pain that was wearing through his body again as the adrenaline rush began to slow and his previous wounds from the brobot were starting to ache. He focused on the black figure through dirt-stained glasses. His eyes followed as the monster crept towards him with agonizing slowness. Suddenly, the monster opened its mouth and looked to Jake’s right. Before he had a chance to turn and see what it was looking at, a huge weight crashed into him from the side and sent him flying across the grass.  


He landed on his back hard which forced the breath out of his lungs. The surprise attack sent another spurt of adrenaline through him and he was able to get to his feet between gasps for much-needed air. He did a quick 360 degree turn and nearly sat back down in the grass when his eyes locked on what had attacked him. His eyes widened and he took an involuntary step back as his brain struggled to come to terms with his new enemy. It was a woman. She was easily twice Jake’s size and her skin was a pale grey color. Bright horns protruded from the top of her head and her attire made her look like she had been an aspiring scuba diver. Jake shook his head to try and focus, but before he could make a move to defend himself the woman had used her trident to knock him to the ground and pin him there.  


She smiled down at Jake as he tried to struggle against the cold steel burning against his skin, showing rows of sharp, pointed teeth that made him cringe. The grin widened when she spoke.  


“No use in struggling dear, you should be flattered the Condescendence came all the way here to catch you!”  


Now Jake was really confused. Who was this woman? Why was she so concerned about him? Had he done anything to merit someone wanting to catch him? And why couldn’t he just ask her these things?  


Oh wait. That would be the trident cutting off his air supply.  


He coughed and resumed struggling, trying to get another breath. She sighed and shifted her weight slightly so he could breathe and would still be unable to move. Jake panted as he caught his breath and looked up at his captor.  


“What in God’s great name are you doing here? Who are you? What do you want? Get off of me!”  


She laughed at this barrage of questions and waved them away with her other hand.  


“I can tell you the answer to only one of those questions, boy, and you have already heard it. The rest will have to wait until we become friends and I know I can trust you. Now,” she stood and beckoned to the monster that had been calmly watching from afar “you, Jake English, are coming back to where we are from. And since I can’t have you messing up our traveling plans…” she trailed off as she made another gesture to the monster. Jake heard it coming closer and gave one more valiant effort to get free before something struck the side of his head violently and he lost consciousness.  


__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now Dirk was seriously worried. He ground the heel of his hand into his forehead and stood up to walk across his room. For someone who had survived for years alone on an island, Jake had more than a few issues actually paying attention to his surroundings. Thank God the kid had some sort of natural instincts. Dirk turned back towards his computer and allowed himself to stare blankly at the idle icon next to Jake’s handle for a few moments. If he didn’t come back on in a few minutes, Dirk was going to have to do something. It did not take longer before Dirk realized he really only had one option if he needed to go to Jake’s aid. He knew his new, larger, transmaterializer was still in the prototype phase, but if Jake was seriously in danger it was a risk he was going to have to take. He had already successfully sent a couple of smaller things through it to Jake, but a person was no small matter.  


As minutes ticked by agonizingly slowly, Dirk felt his stomach twisting into knots. Something was up and he knew Jake would have contacted him by now if everything was okay. He leaned over his computer and sent Jake a message. A few more tense moments were allowed to pass before Dirk powered down his computer and grabbed his shades. After tossing a small collection of various survival items into his bag, Dirk took one final look at his room. Was he really going to run the risk of never being able to return to his life? There was no way for him to come back once he had sent himself across time and space; it simply did not work like that. He shrugged the backpack over his shoulder and pulled the strap tight across his chest. He did not even have to give that notion a second thought; he would do anything for his best bro.  


Dirk picked up his katana before walking down the hall towards the workshop. He pulled open the door and surveyed his handiwork. The transmaterializing machine dominated one full corner of his workshop. His two favorite robots were powered down and tucked away against their respective pieces of wall. The desk against the back of the room was a clutter of plans and pieces he had been working on the night before. Dirk sighed and turned back to the large machine. The handle felt smooth against his hand as he pulled it open and stepped inside. He quickly checked the co-ordinates on the display to make sure they were still taking him to Jake’s island and took a deep breath. The ‘Send’ button glowed underneath his index finger as he hesitated. He hated not knowing what he was getting himself into, but the Strider code explicitly called for helping bros in need. Besides, Jake was one of his best friends and no one just left their friends when they were needed.  


“Fuck it. Let’s go see what English is up to.” Dirk grinned at Lil Cal peeping out of his backpack before slamming his fist down on the button.  


Dirk felt his feet hit the ground and gulped in a welcome breath of air. He watched as the rest of himself appeared and allowed himself a quick smile of victory. From what he could tell from their endless hours of video-chat, he was in English’s room.  


“God Cal, just look at all these lame-ass movie posters… We are definitely in the right place”.  


Cal’s smile of agreement pulled Dirk out of his distracting curiosity.  


“Shit Cal we can’t get distracted by this! We have to find English somehow.” He gave the straps of his pack a quick tug to make sure it was on securely.  


“Okay, he said the noise originated from the kitchen so we should start there.”  


Cal nodded in approval and Dirk made his way through Jake’s room and through the rest of the house until he located what he assumed used to be the kitchen. It had been completely torn through and, fuck, was that blood on the tile?! He grimaced as his stomach twisted into anxious knots. What if Jake was seriously injured? Dirk shook his head and made himself focus on the scene in front of him. Luckily, it was easy enough for him to read what had happened and he followed the action out the destroyed front door.  


Had he been there visiting, Dirk would have been amazed by the beauty of the island, the enchanting sounds of the wildlife, and the great power of the ocean’s waves. However, his eyes were locked on to the multiple bullet casings that were strewn about and the odd stains on matted patches of grass. His stomach turned and he pulled out his katana. Having a firm grip on something was reassuring, and he continued walking. Suddenly he heard voices, one of them he distinctly recognized.  


Jake sounded like he was in pain and the voice that responded to him sounded anything but friendly. Dirk broke into a sprint towards the voices coming from the forest, throwing off his backpack in the process. As he ran, he heard a terrible thudding sound followed by a horrible stretch of silence. The conversation had stopped but Dirk kept running, desperation making his adrenaline spike. He heard the horrible voice that had been talking to Jake begin to bark orders which were answered by some sort of dog-like noises. Dirk skidded to a stop and pressed up against the back of a tree when he heard the powerful voice say:  
“We need to get the page back to Derse before anything else goes wrong.”  


Dirk’s mind searched for answers. Derse? Why the fuck is something from Derse on Jake’s island? I don’t remember him mentioning anything about this…  


A long sigh punctuated the air before the voice continued, “It’s so tiring having to come all the way out to a desolate island such as this to round up some idiot human, and look he even managed to wound you after all. Hurry up and open the portal so we can get back. We don’t need him waking up before he is properly restrained.”  


Sudden realization hit Dirk like a semi-truck. He took a half-step backward and gasped. That was the voice of the batterwitch. She had come all the way here from Derse to take Jake! Dammit, he would not let that happen. His eyes set in determination and he pulled away from the tree to see her and a little crony standing in front of a whirling portal. The winged creature had Jake unceremoniously draped over his shoulder and Dirk’s blood boiled in rage.  


“Hey! I think that’s my friend you have there you pieces of shit!” Not very cool, but it would have to do.  


The batterwitch turned in surprise at his voice and she smiled as she realized who he was.  
“Ah the prince of heart huh? I was not expecting to see you again this soon in my little game. I suppose I can’t count on all of my pawns to do exactly what they are told to do all the time!” She clapped her hands together gleefully, “Oh but that will make this so much more fun!”  


Dirk had began to charge at them, wielding his katana expertly, but the woman just laughed and walked into the portal with a “Not now my little prince! Not all my pieces are in place yet! Consider your little friend as restitution for what you did to my poor little Brute!” The monster carrying Jake’s limp body followed closely behind her. Dirk leapt towards the portal in a desperate attempt to break through and follow them, but ended up doing a face plant into the dirt on the other side. He rolled back onto his back just in time to watch the small hole wink out of existence. His stomach dropped to his feet and pulled his heart down with it as he realized he had failed.  


Jake was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

_Jake woke up to the gentle sound of waves lapping at the wooden posts supporting the dock he was lying on. He sat up and looked around. There was his little Styrofoam boat his grandmother had gotten for him years before, the paddle neatly put away underneath the small seat. There was the large lake he had spent many afternoons on, skimming quickly across the waves as his practiced muscles moved the paddle in a steady rhythm. There were the trees that rimmed the small lake, their large branches full of winking fireflies. Jake chuckled softly to himself as he recalled his grandmother comparing them to overzealous paparazzi. The moonlight that glinted off the small waves was interrupted only by a small flock of tinkerbulls whose shadows danced across the dark waters as they zoomed back and forth. Jake smiled and leaned back on his hands, the wooden boards of the dock rough beneath his calloused palms. The sounds of the forest surrounding him were comforting and familiar; no monsters of the dark would disturb him tonight.  
Suddenly, there was a huge tremor that ran through the length of the dock and Jake sprang to his feet as the tinkerbulls bleated in fear and flew off. He instinctively reached towards his hip for one of his guns to discover that both had gone missing. Cold fear ran through him as a black shadow appeared in front of him and knocked him backwards. Jake stumbled backwards over the loose board he was always forgetting to fix and fell. The shadow drifted closer to him and he scrabbled backwards until he felt his hand on the edge of the dock. When figure reached out and touched Jake’s face, a searing pain tore through his body and a terrible scream tore out of his throat. He curled up on the dock shuddering and willing the thing to just go away and leave him. Again, the shadow touched him, but this time Jake felt it pick him up off the ground. The pain was agonizing, but this time Jake managed to keep his wits about him. He struggled against the shadow as it lifted him above its head and somehow managed to kick it in the head. The shadow’s face became familiar for a split second, then quickly fell back into darkness. The last thing Jake remembered was the feeling of flying through the air and the shock of never hitting the water._

Jake groaned and rubbed the back of his head. Damn, he was having some strange dreams nowadays. There was a considerable lump on the back of his head and it took him a few moments to recall why. Not that the information he remembered was helpful, in fact, it raised more questions than it gave answers. He gingerly touched his face with his hands and was pleased to discover that his glasses had made it through although he could still feel the dried blood around the claw marks. Jake attempted to make sense of the previous events but his head hurt terribly and he decided to put off the contemplation of the woman’s words. He groaned again when he discovered that all the computing devices he had been carrying had disappeared. Poor Dirk was going to have to wait a little longer for a response. Jake laid there for a moment more before deciding how to proceed. The heroes in the movies always checked their surroundings before doing anything else, so that is what Jake defaulted to do. He blinked slowly as he sat up and assessed his predicament.  
He was in a cell, that much was clear from the bars that covered the door and the small window. It was unlike any cell he had ever seen. The walls were of a purplish hue and they were completely smooth to the touch and free of imperfections. Something told him a rock hammer wouldn’t be enough for him to Shawshank out of his prison. The metal cuffs around his wrists kept him somewhat attached to the wall, but he was able to stand and access every corner of the small cell. Walking around helped to clear his mind even though the clattering chains probably alerted every being within a ten-mile radius to his being awake. After a few turns around the cell, Jake slid down the wall into a sitting position and sighed.  


_What a confounded position you’ve gotten yourself into now English. You have no idea where you are or what that woman wants! English, you are *chained to a goddamn wall*and no one knows how to come rescue you. You are completely and utterly a-  
_

Jake shook his head angrily. He could not afford to think things like that in a place like this. Thinking like that only ended in despair, which was the last thing he needed. He had to think straight and not be distracted by that stupid little voice in his head that just never knew when to shut up.  
The sound of the lock sliding open broke him out of his little self-deprecating spiel and he stood up to get a better look at who was coming in. Of course it was the woman from before, except now he was able to get a better look at her. She was very obviously royalty from the way the little minion things looked at her, and she wore lots of gaudy jewelry that clanked when she moved. Jake supposed she would have been very beautiful, had it not been for her fragrance of eau de fucking insanity. When her eyes locked onto his, a horrifying smile broke out across her face. She had rows of sharp, pointed teeth and Jake found himself wondering if he was to be nothing more than her midnight snack.  


“Oh you poor little human you look absolutely terrible!” her voice was filled with mock sympathy as she pulled Jake’s face closer to her. “You got banged up somefin horrible! What ever could have happened to you?!”  
He glowered at her as he tried to pull himself away. Ugh, she smelled like fish that had been left in the sun all day. She chuckled and tightened her grip on him.  


“Listen here, boy, you are in my kingdom now which means you are under my authority. That means” she yanked Jake up off his feet by the collar of his shirt “when I ask a question you glub me a proper answer!” Jake yelled in surprise and pain as she shoved him into the wall and dropped him down onto the floor. She smiled again and began pacing the room as she began to talk.  
“Pages are weak. That has always been the way of things. Pages live to serve; they live to be ordered around and dominated. Which is why I thought holding you for ransom an easy task. If I steal you, Page of Hope, then your friends will obviously come to help you. The Prince already gave it his best effort, which I honestly thought was going to be more interesting but” she paused in front of him and looked down her nose at Jake’s prone position, “you weren’t awake for that were you?” She waited expectantly for an answer and when Jake provided none she rolled her eyes in annoyance before kicking him savagely in the side. He blinked back tears of pain as she continued, but he tuned her out for a few moments. Dirk had tried to help him somehow? Had he made it to the island? But how was that possible? And how did- oh shit she was staring him down now. He had no idea what she had been saying, so he simply gave her his best airhead smile. That made her a touch angrier than before.  


Her entire body seemed to relax just a little and she chuckled to herself.  


“You little piece of shit. I’m boring you aren’t I?” she paused and looked at Jake, apparently expecting some sort of answer. Jake was silently panicking and cursing himself a thousand times over. Her sudden change in demeanor was terrifying and he knew there was no good way out of this one. So he continued to do what he had been doing. He bit his bottom lip and kept his mouth shut.  


“You don’t like to talk very much do you little slug?” In one violent motion, she grabbed a hold of Jake’s hair, pulled him up to his feet, and slammed him back against the wall. Leaning forward, far too close to his face, she whispered into his ear and sent a chill of terror up his spine  


“We have ways of making you glub little slug. Hell, I bet I can make you sing!”


	4. Chapter 4

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]: 

TT: Jake. Seriously bro if you are there you need to message me back 

TT: There is no fucking way they took every last one of your computers 

TT: Fuck 

TT: Dammit Jake, how the hell am I supposed to find you? 

TT: Come on bro… 

TT: Just a quick one-word response would be great 

TT: Even one of your obnoxious responses like “chuffed to hear from you again old sport” 

TT: Or “Gadzooks” 

TT: Or tell me that you’re just fucking “Capital!” 

TT: Or even something about fucking Avatar and those blue chicks 

TT: Ugh. Shit. I guess they did a fucking good job searching you 

TT: I’m sorry buddy I’m coming as fast as I can 

TT: … 

TT: God I hope you’re okay 

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] 

Dirk tossed the phone to the side where it landed on Jake’s pillow with a soft plop. He leaned forward and ran an anxious hand through his hair. After Jake had vanished, Dirk decided the most logical course of action would be to search through the house. Dirk had searched room after room for a clue or a whisper of something that might have been useful in locating Jake, but he found nothing of actual use. Just pictures of Jake and his grandmother everywhere. Dirk figured he probably would have teased Jake about the embarrassing baby pictures had it been possible. And for the very apparent fetish he had for women of a blue hue. That stuff would have to wait. As he continued his search everything had looked to be in order; it seemed Jake liked keeping every other room the house tidy except for his own. Only the kitchen was still in serious disarray. Dirk ground his palm against his forehead and thought. How on earth was he supposed to take a whole castle? His dream self was awesome, but he was by no means strong enough to go up single-handedly against The Condescension. He flopped backwards into what he called his “Thinking Position”; that is with his head dangling off one side of the bed while his body sprawled across the rest.

He breathed slowly and tried to think clearly. His eyes wandered over the posters plastering the walls until they slowly started to drift shut. Jake’s room smelled nice, like a mixture of all the things he said he enjoyed. There was the smell of popcorn that he had spilled on the floor numerous times, or the dusty, metallic smell of dry gunpowder not to mention the wonderful, outdoorsy smells that just seemed to have sunk into the carpet and-

“Fuck” Dirk mumbled as he sat up and shook his head. This was getting him nowhere fast. Roxy, Roxy would know something. She was on Derse too right? Or Jane! Jane would have some gusty idea to outwit the batterwitch. Maybe she could even get to Derse somehow. Dirk snatched his phone from Jake’s pillow and opened up a new memo on pesterchum.

timaeusTestified [TT] opened memo on board SERIOUS SHIT HAS GONE DOWN 

TT: Roxy, Jane… 

TT: I need your help. 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] responded to memo 

TG: o wow the great dirk stridr askin lil old us for help 

TG: what can i do ya for mr stirdrer? 

TT: Roxy, this is serious. 

gustyGumshoe [GG] responded to memo 

GG: Why is Jake not included in this correspondence? 

GG: If there is a serious issue, shouldn’t the four of us be in the know? 

TT: I wish I could include him, but the fact of the matter is I can’t. 

TG: wtf dirk? whut is the big friggin deal anyway? 

TT: Jake’s gone guys. 

TT: And I don’t know how to get him back. 

Jane felt her heart stop as she stared at the glowing orange words on her screen. Gone? How could Jake be gone? 

GG: What on earth are you talking about? 

GG: I was just talking to him not 2 hours ago. 

She sat back and stared at the screen in disbelief as Dirk’s words filled the memo with a story she could hardly believe. Icy fear clamped down on her heart as Dirk’s type slowed to a stop. Her eyes had focused on the description of Jake’s kidnapper. The batterwitch had come after him?! They obviously were no longer safe even in their own respective worlds. Their freaking homes were no longer safe.

TT: And I let them get away. 

TT: I couldn’t stop them from taking him. 

TT: And now they are doing god knows what to him and… 

TT: I don’t know what to do. 

TG: that’s the ez part dirk 

TG: we obv need to go andd rescue him! 

GG: Yes, of course but… 

GG: Even assuming I can get to Derse… 

GG: That’s three of us against the crazy batterwitch! 

TG: janey, you are totes ignoring the pwer of friendship 

TG: and the fact that roxy lalonde is now EXTREMELY ANGRY 

TT: There’s also the very real chance that this is all a huge trap. 

GG: In that case, I think we’d better come up with some sort of incognito, James Bond, stealth rescue plan 

GG: And do that as quickly as possible 

TG: dirk and i should do some reconisance missions 

TG: *reconnaissance 

TG: scope out the area 

TG: see whut’s up 

TT: While we do that, Jane you want to come up with a way to meet us here? 

TT: On Derse I guess. 

GG: I can certainly ponder it. 

GG: I just want Jake to be okay :B 

TG: Okay team letskicksumbatterwitchass 

TG: BREAK 

TG: see ya soon dirkkkk ;) 

Dirk smiled despite himself and took a deep breath. He knew they would be able to come up with something. They were the only family each other had. When someone or something threatened that…. Shit got ugly. Really ugly. His smile grew as he laid back on Jake’s bed and shut his eyes. 

The batterwitch had no idea what forces she was playing with. 


	5. Chapter 5

Jake was grateful to feel the cold stone of his cell beneath his body. He had never thought it possible to be thankful for a prison cell, but the bars kept them out as much as they kept him in. Every muscle in his body ached and he shuddered as he remembered why. If he so much as _glanced_ at a cup of water… ugh. He hadn’t known the answer to any of their questions, but they refused to believe him. Again and again, Jake had gasped and spluttered and screamed that he had no idea what they were talking about. But it hadn’t stopped. They wouldn’t stop. The water wouldn’t sto-

Jake groaned and rolled over so his right cheek was pressed against the stone. He didn’t want to think about that anymore. He was pretty damn sure that if he continued to think about it, he would lose his mind. Instead, he forced himself to sit up and directed his thoughts to the questions they had been asking him.

_“What is your name?”_

Ok, so he did know the answer to at least one of their questions. But still, why on earth would they need him to answer this question so many times? Honestly how in the devil-fucking Dickens could you mess up Jacob English? It’s a pretty damn straightforward name.

_“Who is your boss?”_

As far as he knew, he was playing this game of his own accord. Unless you wanted to get into all that sort of fate or destiny mumbo-jumbo. Jake shrugged, if there was some cosmic being up there, it sure as hell was not rooting for the Jake English team. It was probably holding some sort of pennant that said “CONDENCE= #1” or, even better, one of those foam fingers. Jake chuckled to himself before wondering if perhaps his brain was a bit frazzled from his time away from his cell. Sweet jegus his thoughts were getting weird.

_“Where is the Prince of Heart/Rouge of Void/ Maid of Life?”_

Jake sure as hell wasn’t going to tell them where his friends were. He didn’t give a rat’s ass what they did to him, but they sure as hell were not going to get to his friends because of something he said. And dammit, he knew the answer to that question too. He was going to have to tone down the theatrics a bit.

_“When did these abilities show up?”_

Now this was where he started getting really confused. Abilities? What did they not understand about being a freaking page? From what Jake understood, it was his job to be the lackey or something. No page was blessed with any powers that he was aware of. Not that Google had told him anyway. He pressed his hand to his forehead. His head had started throbbing painfully. It had to be some sort of side-effect.

The pounding magnified until Jake had both hands pressed hard against his temples. He slid down until he was again lying on the stone floor and pressed his forehead against the ground, willing the pain to go away. And, as suddenly as it had begun, the pain ceased. Jake’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion at this link in the chain of strange peculiarities that had become his life. Even his headaches could no longer occur in a way that made sense. 

Jake retreated to the corner of his cell and pulled his knees to his chest. The chains attached to his wrists clattered in protest to his movement, but he no longer heard them. He was good at being alone. Years of solitude on his island told him that sometimes the best remedy for everything going wrong was to imagine yourself somewhere else. His eyes squeezed shut, and then slowly relaxed as he drifted off into his favorite daydream. He was sprinting through the jungle with his favorite heroine when a loud clatter came from his window. Jake jumped and hit the back of his head against the wall. His eyes blinked open as he massaged the back of his head. What he saw, he very nearly attributed to one of his fantasies.

“Roxy?”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Roxy smirked and waggled her fingers at Jake. It had taken her and Dirk ages to find where the prisoners were being held, and then even longer to fly around the outside of the huge complex looking for their friend. It hadn’t helped that it took Dirk forever to fall asleep. Roxy had never found Derse that exciting and had been bored out of her mind waiting for him to show. Dirk had gone to the other side of the complex to either find Jake or find someone they could get information from. Roxy’s smile widened when she thought about how she was going to totally rub this is Dirk’s face when he got back. Oh yeah! Point for Team Lalonde!

“Roxy? Is that really, honest and truly you??”

Jake’s voice brought her back to the mission at hand. Team Lalonde’s goals were minor in comparison to the goals of Team letskicksumbatterwitchass. Jake’s face was somewhat obscured by the lack of proper lighting in the room, but Roxy would know that voice anywhere. They had Skype-called one another often enough for that. The expression on the half of his face she could see was just too adorable. She had no idea how he was able to get his mouth to form that perfect “o” shape, and she couldn’t help but laugh. The sound of her laughter yanked Jake out of his stunned reverie and she watched as his trademark grin replaced the look of surprise.

“Of course it’s me!” she answered, “What? Did you think we would let you rot in here?”

Jake spluttered, “No! I mean… I certainly hoped you wouldn’t…”

Roxy rolled her eyes and tugged on the bars. They refused to give even a little and she groaned in annoyance, “Great. Now we have to find a way to get these out of the way. Maybe if you came over here and helped me…?”

“Roxy, I’m not so certain that’s a-“

“English, come on! I can’t bust you out all by myself!” 

It wasn’t until he tried to stand that she knew something was wrong. 

Jake’s knees buckled beneath him, refusing to support any of his weight. Roxy gasped when she caught full sight of his face when the little light that filtered through the bars fully illuminated it. There was a huge red scratch down the side of his face that was puffy and swollen. His hands shook like fall leaves and his bare torso was covered in dark bruises. Jake heard her gasp and looked up, a sad smile on his face.

“Doesn’t look too good, eh? The foul-smelling fishwife doesn’t seem to like me very much.”

Roxy was furious. She wrapped her fingers around the rough metal of the bars separating her from Jake and yanked as hard as she could. The metal tore at her fingers, but she barely felt it. Her endeavors were punctuated by profanities that eventually dissolved into helpless sobs.

“Roxy.” 

She stopped and looked up. Jake had made his way over to the window using the wall for support and now had his hand on her arm. His bright green eyes stared into hers, full of understanding. God, she just wanted to hug him and get him out of this place.

“Roxy, this isn’t helping anything. You are just going to hurt yourself. “

Roxy bit her lip and nodded, wiping away her tears with her sleeve. She adjusted her arm so that she could give Jake’s hand a squeeze.

“I’m going to go get Dirk and I promise I will be right back. That gear-headed dork must have some sort of contraption that can get you out of this.”

Jake grinned his big, silly, buck-toothed grin, “That sounds like a brilliant idea, Rox.” He winked before letting go of her hand and sliding down the wall with a slight grimace. 

“You know where to find me!”


	6. Chapter 6

Dirk had been flying around this stupid complex for minutes and still no sign of anything. All the windows were barred and dark, no signs of life emanating from its confines. He took off his shades and wiped his eyes. Jegus, he had forgotten how freaking hot it got here. Stupid alien planets. Or moons. Whatever this place was. 

He sank down to the ground and replaced his shades as he landed. The narrow street he had landed on was devoid of life. Dirk swore under his breath; he had been hoping for some sort of guidance. Perhaps one of the creatures that lived on this planet would be willing to help him out. None of them could like the batterwitch that much, right? She was a horrible overlord. An oppressor of the people. They should be falling over themselves to help him out. So where was everyone? 

His steps were soundless as he walked casually down the cobblestones, his slippers actually proving to be somewhat useful. Dirk walked up to one of the smaller doors and carefully rapped a few times on its wooden frame. Maybe the little guys were just napping or taking their afternoon siesta. When no one came to the door, he moved along down the street. He stopped at random doors, but no one was home. Dirk could feel himself starting to get a little weirded out by the emptiness. Seriously, where the hell could they all be at one time? 

Or maybe they were just avoiding him? Too scared to answer the door? 

A cool chill ran down his spine. Yeah, something was definitely wrong. He ducked down a narrow alleyway and leaned against the chilled stone wall of one of the houses. This abandoned town thing was freaking him out. 

“Fuck this, I’m going back to find Roxy.” 

He kicked off the ground and got about six feet off the ground before he felt something grab his leg. It yanked him down and Dirk collided with the ground. Dirk kicked out violently and managed to get his foot free of his attacker’s hold. His hand reached for his katana, but it was nowhere to be found. In the pause, he was caught by another blow from behind that sent him sprawling face-first across the cobblestones. His glasses bounced off his face and skittered away, but he ignored them and jumped to his feet to face his attacker. 

The creature was tall, thick and black. Its head was almost a perfect circle and the scowl on its tiny features was enough to make one uneasy. It lunged forward, trying to make a grab for Dirk, but he was easily able to dodge out of the way. It wasn’t fast, but it had been smart enough to sneak up on him. Dirk’s mind worked as he carefully avoided attack after attack from the creature. There were not many options available to him, seeing as he was currently unable to fight back and the thought of coming close enough to the creature to punch it was off-putting. 

Suddenly, there was a noise behind him. Whirling around quickly, he saw yet another one of these black monsters. This one was slightly smaller, but just as horrifying. Dirk needed to escape. But not without his shades. Shit was expensive to replace. Thinking fast, he sprinted at his first attacker and stooped down to nab the glasses before jumping up over the monster’s fists. He used its head as a sort of springboard and propelled himself into the air out of reach. Once he had gained what he considered a safe altitude, Dirk looked down. 

“… Shit” 

The entire town was out now, most of them staring up at him. So they had been hiding from him, or rather the huge looming creatures that had just jumped him. The villagers hurried out of the creatures’ paths as the goons rushed down the street, heading back towards the castle. There were at least four of them now and he watched as they knocked the poor little villagers out of their way. 

_Well_ , Dirk thought, _at least we know now we have allies in the villages… That is, if we can get them to not be horrified of their overlords._

A huge, piercing sound ripped through the air and knocked Dirk back into action. Cold fear wrapped itself around Dirk’s heart as he realized what it was. The batterwitch knew he was here. She would be after him and was now sounding the alarm that began the hunt. Dirk turned towards the castle, knowing that he was the stupid fox that was heading right into the hounds’ trap, but he had to find Roxy. They had to escape if there was ever going to be a chance to help Jake. 

He flew towards the point where they had separated as quickly as he could. 

“Roxy?! Roxy where the hell are you we need to go now!!” he yelled over the shrill shriek of the siren. His heart pounded wildly as he looked around for Roxy. He flew back and forth and nearly ran into her when she came around the bend. 

“Dirk? What is that un _godly_ racket? Ugh. Anyway I found Jake, he’s in pretty rough shape bu-” she was cut off by Dirk grabbing her arm and pulling her away from the tower. 

“What are you doing?! Jake is back there and he needs our help!” 

Dirk stopped and turned Roxy around so that she was facing the tower. Hundreds of soldiers had covered the top of the building and were preparing to open fire on them. Roxy’s eyes widened and her eyes darted from the soldiers to where Dirk supposed Jake was. He sighed, grateful that Roxy couldn’t see the guilt on his face. He had fucked it up again. He tugged on her arm again and they flew off just as the arrows started to fall behind them. Roxy was silent, worry and helplessness completely overwhelming her thoughts as she pieced together what had happened. Once they were far enough away, they both turned to look at the looming towers of the batterwitch’s fortress. The sirens had faded and it all looked so peaceful from this distance. 

But Jake. Dirk had failed him again. And now… Now how were they going to get to him? There was no telling what sort of increased security would be placed on him or… or what they would do to him now. Roxy said he had looked in bad shape. And now Jake would face even worse because of his failure. He felt a slight pressure on his hand and looked down in surprise to find Roxy holding it. She looked up at him and gave his hand a tight squeeze. 

“None of this is your fault, Dirk. The batterwitch was a few steps ahead of us this time. Please don’t cry, we will get Jake back and everything is going to be fine.” 

Dirk reached up with his free hand and touched his wet cheeks with surprise. He hadn’t even realized he was crying. He took a deep, shuddering breath and pulled Roxy into a hug. 

“Thanks Rox. I’m going to make that sea bitch pay.” 

He felt Roxy’s arms tighten around him and she mumbled something into his shoulder. 

“What did you say?” 

She tilted her head up and stared into his expressionless glasses. 

“I said that I am going to help you, Dirk. Look, I promised Jake that I would be right back and I wasn’t. All of us have to look out for one another and… and…” she trailed off and looked away from him, biting her lip hard. Dirk wrapped her back up in his arms and let her cry into his shoulder. He couldn’t cry anymore. He was furious. 

The batterwitch’s shit was wrecked.


	7. Chapter 7

Jane swung her legs aimlessly as she sat atop the bed. Dirk had told her to wait for them here if she managed to get to Derse, so waiting here she was. It had been fairly simple for her to make her way over here, seeing as the commercial traffic between Derse and Prospit was fairly constant. She had slipped on a quick disguise that she was very proud of, blended in with some local passengers and made her merry voyage to the neighboring planet. The trip had been quite pleasant as the locals were very kind and had even been willing to participate in casual small talk with her. Her eyes strained as they peered out the window, trying to catch a glimpse of her friends. Surely they hadn’t forgotten her. Jane hopped off the bed and looked around the small room. Apparently, this was the room in which Dirk had woken up. There was a small bed and some other loose odds and ends. The room wasn’t remarkable for any real reason, but Jane thought it just looked alien. The feel of everything was different than the world with which she was accustomed. Earth just felt different. She sighed and looked back out the window. There were two small figures coming towards her, and she frowned because that was wrong. There were supposed to be _three_ figures. Her heart clenched in fear and she had to stop herself from jumping out the window after them. If they were going to talk it would make more sense to do it out of sight. 

“Dirk? Roxy? I’m here!” she called out with a small wave. The two figures returned the gesture as they came closer to the tower. Roxy stepped in the window first, hers eyes puffy and a little swollen, Dirk following closely behind. They both looked horrible, but Dirk looked downright murderous. That scared her more than she could say. Dirk had always been so cool and collected. Jane bit her lip, but couldn’t stop the next question from tumbling out of her mouth. 

“Where… where is Jake?” 

Dirk’s jaw clenched and he looked away from Jane. She noted that one side of his face was bruising, but decided against asking him about it. Roxy heaved a large sigh as she slid down the wall into a sitting position. 

“We couldn’t get him out Janey… The batterwitch was ahead of us. She almost got Dirk too.” That would probably explain the bruise then. When Jane expressed a desire to hear the whole story, Roxy was more than obliging. Dirk paced the room. He never once said anything or added to Roxy’s story. 

Roxy went on for awhile, making sure Jane knew every horrible detail of their sticky situation. Once she felt completely filled in, Jane sat back down on the bed and digested what she had been told. Obviously, the batterwitch had been stringing them along. Possibly using Jake as bait. But bait for who? All of them? If she was, she had done a bang up job of the thing. Regardless, she now knew that at least three of them were on Derse and she had one of them in her grasp. The odds were very much against them at this point. Jane buried her face in her hands as she thought, completely tuning out Dirk and his pacing and allowing Roxy’s story to simmer. Wait. If the batterwitch wanted all of them, she had to have a better plan than just keeping Jake in a cell like a criminal. A proper trap required a possible rescue situation. She had to give them at least a faint hope that they could manage to pull off a Jake-heist. There had to be something bigger. Something that would be large enough to get Jane’s attention; even if she had still been on Prospit. She felt a slight weight on her shoulder and looked up to see Dirk’s face, his hand resting on her shoulder. He jerked a thumb over towards where Roxy had been sitting and Jane glanced over towards her. Roxy’s mouth hung open and she was snoring lightly. Jane smiled and stood up. She noted, with no small amount of chagrin, that her head barely reached the top of Dirk’s shoulders. 

“Dirk,” Jane whispered softly, “Why don’t you try and get some rest too? I’ll go out and try to gather some more information.” 

Dirk shook his head, the fading sunlight glinting off his shades, “I’m coming with you. Going alone is dangerous a-“ 

“Listen to me, it will be easier for me to sneak around because one” she raised a finger for emphasis, “I have a kickass disguise. Two,” another finger, “no one knows I’m here yet, and three” she poked him in the stomach, “I won’t have your big, lanky self following me around.” 

Dirk had smiled when she poked him, but his face quickly fell back into its customary Strider façade. 

“Fine. Just be careful. Don’t take any chances. First sign of trouble and get your ass out of there.” 

Jane rolled her eyes and carefully climbed onto the window sill. 

“Whatever you wish Mr. Strider.” 

With a wink and a quick chuckle, Jane vanished out the window. 

Dirk had known he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He had moved Roxy from the floor and laid her gently on the bed, hoping she’d be a little more comfortable there. At least she could sleep. At least she was able to escape from this nightmare they had all fallen into; even if just for a little while. Dirk sighed and ruffled Roxy’s hair affectionately. He had to protect the girls, _his_ girls, at any costs. Dirk turned away from Roxy and leaned out the window. Anyone who cared to look up would have seen him, but he figured they probably already knew where he was anyway. His pulled off his shades and glanced around at the landscape. Unhindered by the shades, his eyes scanned the small city and drank in the unparalleled sight. He had never been one for purple. There was just something about it that he never cared for, but here… It just worked. The spires of the towers in the distance reached up towards the clouds while the smaller buildings below tilted in impossible angles. The entire town looked like something out of a very odd dream, which Dirk supposed was ironic given his situation. The planet in the distance loomed over the cityscape and cast an eerie glow as the city began to fall into darkness. It was creepy and beautiful at the same time. A few hours ticked past with Dirk lost in his thoughts, his shades dangling by his fingertips over the edge of the tower. He thought about this game they had all been so eager to play. He thought about his bro, he thought about his old life, he thought about his room, fuck, he even thought about Cal. Mostly though, he worried. He worried about Jake, and Jane, and Roxy. They were his family. He couldn’t afford to lose any of them. He wouldn’t. 

Eventually Dirk was able to pull himself out of his daze. Or rather, Roxy’s presence did. He glanced over and saw her gazing out the window beside him, her eyes pensive. She noticed him looking at her and she offered a small smile in response. 

“Pretty beautiful, eh Strider?” 

“Yeah, but given who’s in charge I don’t think I’d become a permanent resident.” 

Roxy gave the expected chuckle and returned to gazing out the window. 

“How long was I out?” 

“Dunno, couple of hours, I think” 

“Where’d Janey run off too?” 

“Said she was gathering some intel. You know, the whole detective thing.” 

Roxy started and looked at him in surprise. “Alone!?” 

“Chill, Lalonde. Jane’s smart. She knew that it would be easier for her to just go by herself than have a tagalong.” 

Roxy sighed, “I guess that makes sense… How long has she been gone for?” 

“She left right after you fell asleep.” 

“Oh.” 

An awkward pause enveloped them. Neither wanted to acknowledge either of the elephants in the room. They stood quietly together for a few more minutes before Roxy spoke up. 

“Should we go look for her…?” 

“Hell yes.” 

Dirk was out the window in a flash; his glasses now back in their usual spot atop his nose. Roxy quickly followed suit. Dirk glanced around before turning back to Roxy. 

“Which way should we try first?” 

“I don’t know, I was asleep!” 

“Well, come on then.” 

Dirk took off towards the small suburbs of the city, Roxy right behind him. 

“Dammit Strider, it’s dark out. Take off your glasses if you’re going to lead! I’m not following someone who is half-blind!” 

He rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to make a smart retort when he heard someone chuckle. He looked around, admitted to himself that Roxy was right, pulled off his glasses, and tried again. 

“Jane!” 

“Janey! We were just coming to look for you! We were worried that you got caught or something!” 

Jane smiled as she came up next to them. She looked tired and stressed and a little rough. Roxy hugged her tightly and Jane chuckled again. 

“I’m fine Roxy! But...” she looked directly at Dirk, “I have some bad news.” 

Dirk gritted his teeth and steeled himself. Jane carefully detached herself from Roxy before taking a deep breath. 

“Jake is scheduled for execution. As soon as the sun goes down tomorrow, he will be dead.”


	8. Chapter 8

Jake sighed and leaned his head against the smooth wall of his new cell. A few minutes after Roxy had disappeared, ear-splitting sirens had begun to go off. He had pulled himself off the floor as best he could to look out the window, but hadn’t been able to see much. The confounded bars got in the way of everything! Those sirens had probably been for his friends. He had worried that Dirk and Roxy had been caught as well until a few guards crashed into his cell and forcibly removed him to this new residency. If his friends had been caught, he was certain such precautions would not have been taken. The room was about four times as small as his previous one and there was not a window to be found. The lone source of light was a small device hung from the ceiling. He had attempted to examine it, but was unable to reach the small ball of dim light. From what he could tell, he had been placed in the most secure part of the fortress. They had dragged him down several flights of stairs and taken many random turns. After the umpteenth sudden turn, Jake had given up trying to keep track of where they were headed. The purple hallways were remarkably similar. It was like the Minotaur maze from those old Greek (or were they Roman? He couldn’t remember) myths. Except the Minotaur was a crazy woman-thing and Jake was pretty sure she didn’t eat people. Regardless, there was no way his friends were going to be able to get to him in here. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as this realization washed over him. _Once again_ , Jake thought, _you are on your own. Have to put on your big-boy pants, man up and face the facts._

A sudden flash of anger came over him and he kicked out. He couldn't get out of this by himself. He was alone and locked in a stone cell and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. And that made him angry. The sudden pain that shot up his leg as it connected with the wall shocked him. Damn, this fucking room was small. 

Jake pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on top of them. What the hell was that? He never threw fits like that. Something was very wrong inside him and he could feel it. _I must be going insane_ , Jake reasoned, _perhaps this is the first sign of finally losing my marbles. I’m on the verge of falling clean off my rocking chair._ He tried to swallow, but his mouth had gone dry. He absently wondered when the last time he had eaten was, but couldn’t recall. He didn’t feel hungry, so he must have eaten recently. His eyes wandered around the small space. There wasn’t even enough room for him to lie down properly. Was he claustrophobic? He couldn’t remember. And then he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. The door clanged against the wall and a gruff voice said something Jake could not decipher. He whimpered as the figure came forward and cold, unforgiving hands reached in to take him away.

  


Roxy fell about twenty feet before she realized she was falling. Dirk had managed to catch her before she could get too far, but her mind had completely shut down. Jake…? Was being executed?? She faintly registered that she must be experiencing shock as Dirk slowly flew her back to the tower, Jane following closely behind. 

Dirk carefully stepped in through the window, his feet making no noise as he stopped on the floor. 

“Hey Rox, I’m going to put you down now.” 

She nodded, unable to form words quite yet. Dirk gently lowered her so that her feet were touching the floor and carefully raised her into a standing position. Her legs wobbled a little beneath her, but Dirk kept one hand on her waist to keep her steady. Jane slid down the wall into a sitting position before speaking up. 

“I think we all know that this is a trap.” She paused for a moment before continuing, “That being said, I don’t think this is something we can avoid.” 

Dirk nodded thoughtfully, “We just need a plan that is more solid than whatever that she-devil is pulling out of her ass.” 

Jane shook her head, “Whatever this is, I can assure you she will not be ‘pulling this out of her ass’. She has a plan, something she has been working to put into motion for a while now. We have to be smart.” 

“I’m all for being smart. I just don’t know if we can be smart and get everyone out of this OK.” 

“Let’s just think this out one step at a time. When I was down there eavesdropping, a lot of those little guys were talking about how much they detest this batterwitch. I believe we can use that against her.” 

“Wait,” Roxy spoke up, “are you saying we stir the masses into a revolution?” 

Jane nodded, “That would be the general idea. Somehow try and convince them to take up arms against her. Convince them that, if they fight, they have a chance at making a better life for themselves. “ 

“But,” Roxy interjected, “some of them will die, won’t they?” 

“ _Jake_ will die if we don’t do something. And it’s not like they won’t die fighting for a worthy cause” Dirk said, a thoughtful expression coming across his face. He had taken off his glasses, and was now pacing back and forth across the room. 

Roxy sighed, “Well, how do you propose we start a coup then? It’s not like any of us have experience in starting wars or crap like that.” 

Jane managed a tired smile, “It’s pronounced coo, Rox, not coop. Anyway, we have to do something to get their attention; something to excite a crowd and light that spark. Once the spark is lit, we just have to fan the flames.” 

Dirk had stopped pacing. He stood in the middle of the room, completely frozen. Roxy looked at him curiously. 

“Dirk…? What on earth are you doing?” 

His eyes lit up, the orange in them turning into an amber blaze. His mouth curled into a small smile as he placed his shades back on his nose and turned to face the girls. 

“My dear Lalonde, I do believe I have a solution to our problem.” 

  


Jane knew that Dirk’s plan was solid. He had calculated every detail and compensated for anything that could possibly go wrong. She had total confidence in him and his abilities. It was his rashness that she had a problem coming to terms with. She was placing her confidence in a plan that had taken him very little time to come up with. Risking her life like this went against every logical part of her being. 

Then again, not many parts of this entire situation made sense. 

She took a deep breath and tried to focus on the more emotional part of her that knew this was the best plan they had. This was their best bet to get Jake back home safe and sound. This was their best bet to destroy the batterwitch and her power for good. They could vanquish her; this fight could be completely over in the course of a few hours. 

Or they could all be dead. 

Jane shook her head in annoyance and kept going to where Dirk had instructed her beforehand. Being bait was never high on her list of future aspirations, but Dirk had assured her that she would be okay. She looked over her shoulder to see Dirk and Roxy disappear into the dim morning haze as they sank to the ground behind the buildings a few streets over from her. Her heart pounded against her ribcage as she hovered above the ground in full view of the waking villagers. A sudden flash from her peripherals let her know that Dirk had his ~~shitty swo~~ _katana_ ready and that she was to begin drawing attention to herself. Jane asked herself why he hadn’t asked Roxy to do this as she floated to the ground and took a deep breath. The idea was to be as unorthodox as possible and yelling curses against the supreme dictator at a little after sunrise was about as good as it could ever get. 

“The Condense is a great big sack of shit and is oppressing all of those under her rule! Rise up and take back what you rightly deserve and stop being scared of these bullies everyday!” 

Confidence crept into her voice as she continued to speak; her voice rebounding off the tight walls of the city. She could feel that the gazes of the villagers were fixated on her, urging her to go on, to keep speaking. 

“All of you can do nothing about this alone, but, together! Together we can work together to reclaim power from this fishy bitch who does nothing but stuff her face with cake all day while you all go hungry! Believe me when I say that you deserve better than this! _She_ sure as hell is not going to give it to you, you must rise up and take it for yourselves! Rise up, good people of Derse, and understand that the Condescension’s tyranny ends today!” 

Jane almost clapped a hand over her mouth in surprise. That was pretty good. She couldn’t believe that had come out of her mouth! All the sleepy villagers were no longer rubbing their eyes and squinting at her in the bright morning light. They were staring up at her in shock and wonder. She was a little disappointed that they didn’t start cheering right away, but Dirk had told her that probably wouldn’t happen. They needed time to process what she was offering them. That was where phase two came into play. She allowed herself a small grin of victory when, only moments later, the dark figures Dirk had described earlier came rushing around the corner towards her. They were just as ugly and strange as she pictured them. She stuck her tongue out at them before turning to zoom back towards where Roxy and Dirk were waiting. This was going to be interesting.

  


Dirk ran a hand through his hair nervously. He was crouching behind a small barrel hidden in an insignificant alleyway. Roxy was on the opposite side, clutching the small dagger he had managed to dig up for her. He had been able to find his own katana hidden in the chest of his tower room here on Derse. 

He had no idea how it got there, but at this point it was better not to argue or press for details. 

His plan seemed foolproof. He had made sure to calculate all possible outcomes and prepare for them as best he could. Everything should work out fine. Starting a revolution required careful planning and a combined effort. If he could not get the inhabitants of Derse to go along with this, they were screwed. The batterwitch would win and they would all probably suffer a horrible death. That option was not appealing in the slightest. However, if they did get the people to help them, there was a greater chance of them winning. Significantly greater. The three of them versus the Condescension’s evil forces did not stand that great a chance. But with the thousands of inhabitants of this city on their side, the chance of victory increased exponentially. Dirk’s mind whizzed back and forth as he tried to reason with himself. Jane would be fine; she had the easiest job. And she was super smart and crafty and all that sort of thing. He was more worried about what would happen when Jane lured those monsters around the corner. How many of them would there be? He didn’t know how many of them he could handle; let alone how many Roxy could take down. Suddenly, he heard Jane yelling out warnings that they were coming. These warnings mostly consisted of her saying things like “You’ll never catch me!” or the forever cherished “Nana nana boo boo”. Dirk inhaled and exhaled slowly, calming himself as his face set into a look of determination. He flashed Roxy a thumbs-up and she nodded nervously. 

Jane zoomed past him. 

“Now!” he jumped out of his hiding place and caught the first monster by surprise by lopping its head off. Blood spurted everywhere, but Dirk barely had time to think as the next monster moved towards him. It growled as it came at him, but Dirk stood his ground and kept his sword trained at the creature’s heart. As it began to charge at him, Roxy came out of nowhere and jumped on the creature’s back, sinking her dagger deep into the back of its neck. Dirk flashed her a quick grin before turning towards his next combatant. 

There weren’t as many as he had thought would come. They would have little problem dispatching all of these creatures at the rate they were plowing through them now. And as Jane was currently keeping lookout while they dealt with the remainder, he couldn’t see any slip ups in the plan. His eyes flashed with determination as he cut through the neck of another creature. 

_I’m coming for you Jake. Just give me a little more time._


	9. Chapter 9

Dirk couldn’t help but grin at the sight in front of him. It was pretty brutal, and he was having a hell of a time controlling his gag reflex, but they had done it. He breathed through his mouth as he attempted to block the smell of blood that heavily permeated the air. Roxy seemed to be handling the situation quite well. She was sitting quietly on top of the barrel he had been hiding behind, her hand slowly turning her small knife over and over. She noticed that Dirk was watching her and glanced up, a small tired smile on her face. 

Jane reappeared suddenly and wrapped her arms around Roxy in a tight embrace. Roxy’s tired laugh echoed strangely in the small alleyway as she returned the hug. 

“You guys did it” Jane said breathlessly, “That was marvelous.” 

“Yeah, yeah congratulations all around,” Dirk grimaced as he stepped closer to one of the bodies. He gritted his teeth and brought his katana down twice, neatly separating the head from the monster’s body. 

“Umm, Dirk? What are you doing?” Roxy and Jane let go of one another to shoot him twin questioning glances. The probably thought he was going crazy. Instead of answering, he flew up to the top of one of the nearby buildings. He looked around for a few moments before locating what he wanted. A large, pointed rod protruded from the top of one of the spires. He reached out and wrapped his fingers around the rusted pole and pulled backwards as hard as he could. The pole snapped easily, sending him reeling a few meters back. Closer inspection revealed that the pole had rusted almost all the way through. He spun it experimentally through the air a few times before deciding that it would serve its purpose. 

“Earth to Striiiiiiiderrrr” Roxy shouted up at him, “Swinging metal poles above your friend’s heads isn’t very smart. If you kill me now Strider, I’m going to be sooooooo mad.” 

Dirk shook his head as he returned to the newly severed head. He set his face, careful to keep his mouth straight as he gingerly lifted the head. Gross, it felt so… squishy. Skulls were much cooler when they were devoid of flesh; that much he could agree with Jake on. Jane and Roxy both gasped in surprise as he stuck the sharp edge of the pole through the bottom and out the top of the skull. He held the pole at arms’ length at admire his handiwork before turning to face the girls. “We may as well have a symbol for the people to gather under. If we want to entice revolution we need to… to convince them that overcoming this enemy is possible. Just because our objective is to save Jake doesn’t mean we can’t do something bigger, right?” 

Dirk paused, contemplating his next words and both Roxy and Jane expressed their agreement. He was about to put them in unbelievable danger. They were about to risk their lives following a plan he had dreamed up. As much as he hated to admit it, something could go wrong. They could lose Jake for good. He may have to watch Roxy and Jane be murdered. This realization hit him like a sledgehammer as he looked at the grimacing face he was holding. It was moments like these where he was grateful most for his shades, they shielded him from the pity the girls would try to show him. He inhaled deeply, steadying himself before speaking. 

“Jane, Roxy… I… If something goes wrong and I tell you to leave, with or without Jake… with or without _me_ , please do it. If-“ 

Roxy and Jane had exchanged a brief glance and a pair of small, knowing smiles. Jane cut him off and spoke sharply. 

“Listen here Strider, this is an all-or-nothing gamble. We are not just going to scamper off with our tails between our legs because you get a little squeamish. We are in this just as much as you are and I for one would refuse to have it any other way.” 

She reached out her hand expectantly. 

“Now let me carry that big ol’ stick of your and let’s get this coup started off correctly.” 

Dirk knew when he had been beaten. He should have expected as much. He nodded, tight-lipped, and handed Jane the pole. She grinned and took off. When Dirk didn’t immediately move to follow Jane, Roxy came and threaded her fingers through his and offered a small smile of encouragement. 

“Come on Strider. Jake’s waiting for his prince to come rescue him.” 

Dirk felt his face flush at the implication behind her words and heard Roxy chuckle as she pulled him up and after Jane. 

“You aren’t as hard to see through as you think Strider.” 

She winked at him. 

“Just keep the mushy romance stuff to a minimum.” 

  


Everything was spinning. His stomach was threatening to mutiny as waves of nausea rolled over him. Voices passed in echoes of garbled sound, and colors rushed together in a confused array. Jake felt himself being dragged along the ground and banged into sharp corners. 

_Oh_ , he thought, _stairs. Dirk would find this slightly funny I’d wager._

Suddenly he stopped moving and was grateful to let himself sink to the ground. However, something rough grabbed his hands and pulled him into a sitting position. He felt his hands being tied to something above his head and nearly groaned in frustration. Didn’t they have anything better to do than tie him to things?! He was scared to open his eyes more than a fraction, afraid the sudden increase in light would cause his splitting headache to worsen. 

From what he could sense, he had been moved outside. The fresh breeze blowing across his face was a welcome change from the stuffy, rancid air of the prison. It smelled so much nicer out here and Jake felt like he could breathe fully for the first time since his capture. After a few deep breaths, his headache subsided enough for him to risk opening his eyes. 

Whelp. He was outside. He was also smack-dab in the middle of the town. He sat cross-legged on a raised wooden platform, tied to a tall wooden post. The sun (he guessed the terminology was probably different here, but whatever) was steadily climbing up in the sky. Little businesses buzzed quietly as their keepers finished setting up shop for the day. He watched one of the villagers set up his flower shop for a few minutes before he realized he was doing it. It was quiet, peaceful, everything a town like this shouldn’t be. 

There were two guards next to him. The one on the left carried a large black whip that made Jake swallow a bit nervously. The one on his right had a large axe holstered across his back. A pit slowly began to open in his stomach as he pieced together what this probably meant. The being in the middle of town next to a large guy with a sword screamed execution. _His_ execution. Jake felt the blood drain from his face as icy fear washed over him. This couldn’t possibly be it. It wasn’t happening. It _couldn’t_ be happening. It was a game wasn’t it? So even if he died he would not actually _die_ … right? 

No, now wasn’t the time to panic. He could get out of this. He was the good guy and the good guys always found a way out. He licked his lips with a sandpaper tongue and tested the rope that held his hands above his head. No good, those were not coming undone any time soon. Another tug on the ropes earned him a savage kick to the chest from the guy with the whip. He gasped as the air was driven from his lungs and swore. The guy smiled and cracked his whip inches from Jake’s cheek. 

“Don’t even think about it, punk. You’re my lady’s special pet and she won’t like it if you escape.” 

Jake got his breath back and managed to collect enough saliva to spit on the guy’s boot. He growled in response and brought the whip down against Jake’s exposed chest. Jake flinched as it opened a shallow cut, but he bit his lip hard and refused to cry out. 

“What do you think you’re doing, idiot?” The axe-guy growled and stormed across the small platform. “You know your orders. Do not go against them again or it will be you on the receiving end of that whip of yours.” 

While they argued, Jake wiggled his wrists around as best he could, desperately trying to make room so he could slip them out. After a few good yanks, he felt the rope give and his heart leapt with hope. A small smile found its way onto his face after he found he had enough room to pull his hands out. For now, he slumped back against the pole, feigning defeat. 

The burning across his chest and around his wrists was stamped out by the pure hope that reverberated throughout his entire body. Something was finally going right. 

Now he waited for his opportunity.


	10. Chapter 10

This was probably one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes against the bright sun. Jake let out a tired sigh and licked his lips. The sun here was brutal even against his dark skin and he was thankful for the many days he had spent outdoors back home. Someone like Strider would be burned alive in a roast like this. Jake breathed a slight chuckle at the thought of a lobster-red Dirk. He would be willing to bet that Dirk’s skin had never known the pleasurable stickiness of suntan lotion. Or maybe he had… Didn’t he say he lived in Texas? He made a mental note to ask about that later. 

Time passed slowly as Jake watched the shadows of the buildings grow. Heat rose from the ground in sweltering waves as the sun blazed in the sky. Jake could feel the sweat beginning to trickle down his face. He squirmed uncomfortably as he tried to wipe the sweat from his eyes and succeeded only in knocking his glasses off. Being tied up was a pain. Now everything was blurry on top of all else that had been going wrong. He tried to stretch out his leg and grab the frames with his toes, but all he could manage was to scoot them a little closer. His legs and ass had long since gone numb and his extended leg was almost immediately racked by a severe case of the “pins and needles”. He shook his head in annoyance as the feeling spread all the way up his thigh. He shifted again, trying to massage the feeling out but with little success. He chanced a quick glance at one of the guards, but they were both still there, unwavering even in this heat and despite his inability to stay still. 

Jake yawned, the action bringing tears to his eyes. What he wouldn’t give for a soft bed and a long nap. Then maybe that annoying buzzing sound would go away. Wait. Buzzing sound? How long had he been hearing that? 

His head popped up and his eyes roamed over the large city square. Everything was right where he had last seen it but there was another element now. His stoic guards had looked at one another, nodded, and one of them had jumped from the platform to the ground. The other had gone to stand behind Jake’s back. A sharp pain suddenly shot up Jake’s back as he was prodded with the butt of the guard’s axe. 

“Not a single movement or a sound from you or I kill you myself, you hear? Wouldn’t take but more than one swing of this weapon here to separate your little head from the rest of you.” 

Jake swallowed and nodded. Was this his chance? He was down to one guard but… he wasn’t really sure if he could run, much less outrun this asshole’s axe and obsession with beheading. As he deliberated with himself, he began to realize that the sound was growing, changing. Instead of a buzzing noise he was hearing… cheers? Chanting? They were voices of some sort. Ugh, the sound of it was making his head begin to throb. 

Suddenly, the second guard jumped back on top of the platform, his expression panicked. 

“There’s a mob coming!” 

The guard standing behind Jake slammed the pole of his axe into the ground, and Jake started in equal measures of surprise and pain as the sound shot through his skull. 

“What do you mean ‘a mob’ you idiot?” 

“I mean the villagers are coming in droves, sir.” 

“That’s impossible and you know it. Those morons are too stupid to do anything organized.” 

“Look, I know what I saw and I’m thinking we had better call for back up.” 

While they bickered, Jake kept his eyes trained in the direction the sound was coming from. It was definitely a large group, and his stomach began churning nervously. Surely that meant someone was coming to help him? They wouldn’t come out in droves to _kill_ him would they? He had thought the little villagers were nice. A little strange, perhaps, but nice. 

A large shape began spilling out of one of the roads leading to the square, and Jake heard both of his guards gasp in horror. All he saw was a blurry, writhing mass of purple and black and white all headed towards where they were currently situated. His heart leapt into his throat and made it hard to breathe. There were three shapes moving through the air, and Jake realized that they were figures flying towards him. These were slightly different than the rest of the mob moving below them. They were slightly bigger, and were very obviously the ones leading the charge. 

As the mass moved into the square, the sound of cheering exploded and rebounded throughout the square. Jake gritted his teeth against the piercing pain in his head and squinted at the shapes moving through the air. Was that? Those shades… His entire body froze for a few moments as the figures came close enough for him to make them out. His bottom lip began to tremble when he heard familiar voices calling out his name. 

“Jakeyyyyyy!! We finally found you!” 

“Goodness Jake you look a mess!” 

“…thank god you’re okay English!” 

This was not exactly how he had planned to meet his friends in person for the first time. He had imagined some wonderful chat over tea in a nice café somewhere, not with his own imminent death looming over them in a world they had only dreamed of. A shirt and a clean pair of shorts would have been nice as well. All of this mixed together in a sudden rush of emotion that slammed into him like a solid punch to the haymaker. Tears spilled down his face as he called back to them. He slipped his hands out of his bounds and picked up his glasses. Suddenly, the world came back into focus and he could see his three best friends in the whole world. His guards stood there, dumbfounded, as Roxy, Jane and Dirk landed on the platform, the sea of villagers behind them. Dirk pulled him up and into a hug as Jane stuck the pole she had been carrying into the platform. 

The sudden movement made him slightly queasy, and he took deep breathes as he allowed the entirety of the last few days to envelop him as he hugged Dirk tightly. 

“Dirk… How…?” 

Dirk stepped away and clapped his hand to Jake’s shoulder, a large smile spreading across his face. It was a wonderful smile, genuine. 

“That’s sort of a long story, dude. I should ask you the same thing about the little Houdini act you just pulled but that is going to have to wait until later. Right now we have a batterwitch to overthrow.”  


**_This is the same timeframe just from Dirk’s perspective~_**

Dirk inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to keep his heart from leaping right out of his chest. He was anxious, more anxious than he thought humanly possible. It was like his stomach couldn’t decided if it just wanted to explode of simply vacate its contents. He swallowed and attempted to will away the butterflies that had taken jackhammers to his stomach lining. After a few more breaths, the feeling faded enough that he could pay attention to what he was doing. 

Roxy was floating along next to him while Jane led a mob a few meters in front of them. The entire group thrummed with anticipation. Jane barely had to raise her voice to encourage a loud chant or yell. She was really good at this. Who knew Jane had such leadership potential? Maybe it had something to do with the Crockercorp stuff… Anyway, people listened to her and took her seriously and she listened to what everyone else had to say. She had always been there to help him, never once complaining that he was burden but always taking the time to offer her best advice. 

“Dirk?” 

It took a moment for Dirk to register that Roxy had just spoken. Her voice was small and timid, so completely unlike the Roxy he knew. 

“You okay Lalonde?” 

“Yeah… it’s just that something doesn’t feel right.” 

Dirk had thought the same thing. This had been entirely too easy. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, shouldn’t there be an army here to stop this? If I was an overbearing, evil, bitchy dictator, I wouldn’t let people riot in the streets like this. I would stop it as quickly as I could.” 

Dirk heaved a sigh. That was exactly what he had been thinking. 

“Roxy, I think we just have to be prepared for anything. We can expect that she has something planned, and you better believe Jake is going to be caught right in the middle of it.” 

Roxy turned away from him, her face scrunched in thought. Had this been another time, Dirk would have laughed at her expression. After a few moments, she spoke up again. 

“You’re right. I just don’t like going in with no plan.” 

“Here, I have an idea. Why don’t you and Jane-“ 

He was cut off mid-sentence by a large roar from the crowd below. The road opened into the town square up ahead and the villagers had broken into loud cheering as they broke apart to rush into the open space. They quickly filled the square like a river that had broken its dam. Dirk glanced around amidst the confusion and spotted a large, raised platform in the middle of everything. He squinted against the sun and spotted a sitting figure with a mop of messy black hair. 

Dirk smiled, his shoulders slumping from tension he didn’t realize he was feeling. He laughed as he called out to Jake and heard Jane and Roxy do the same. They all flew over to where he was tied up. Dirk moved to undo Jake’s bonds while Roxy and Jane took care of the two dumbstruck guards who were standing next to Jake. Much to Dirk’s surprise, Jake slipped his wrists out of the ropes and looked up at him with an air of disbelief in his clear green eyes. 

Jake didn’t look well. His body was covered in bruises and other wounds that Dirk couldn’t bring himself to think about. Tears spilled out of Jake’s eyes as he finally grasped who was actually standing in front of him. There he was, Jake English, Dirk’s best friend in the world, alive. Alive when they almost thought he couldn’t be. Dirk held out his hand and grabbed Jake’s wrist carefully before pulling him up and into a hug. Jake was a little shorter than Dirk had thought he would be, but other than that, Jake was everything Dirk had thought he would be. The countless hours of video chat had left him with a pretty good idea of what Jake was like, but nothing compared to finally being able to properly see your best friend. 

“Dirk…How…?” 

Jake’s voice was rough and scratchy. Dirk immediately cursed himself for not thinking of bringing some water or something for the poor guy, but there was nothing to do about it now. But Jake was okay for now and safe because he was with his friends. They were finally all together, and Dirk couldn’t help but smile as he placed his hand on Jake’s shoulder. 

“That’s sort of a long story, dude. I should ask you the same thing about the little Houdini act you just pulled but that is going to have to wait until later. Right now we have a batterwitch to overthrow.”


	11. Chapter 11

Jake’s brow furrowed in confusion. 

“Wait…What on earth are you talking about? We need to leave now!” 

Just then, Roxy and Jane came over to where they were standing. Roxy looped one of her arms around Jake’s waist and kissed him on the cheek while Jane gave him a surprisingly skillful side-hug. Jake barely felt it. Something was wrong with him and he could feel something breaking inside of him. But why was it happening now? Right when his friends could take him home? 

“Jake…?” Dirk’s expression darkened and the wonderful smile dissipated as quickly as it had appeared. “Are you okay?” 

A loud laugh came from behind them that made Jake’s knees give out. It took Roxy and Jane to hold him up as the voice spoke. 

“Oh my little Prince, Maid, and Rouge. Welcome to my lovely kingdom here on Derse. I was beginning to worry you would miss out little party.” 

Complete silence fell on the once rambunctious crowd of villagers as the Condense made her entrance. Jake could feel himself beginning to panic. _No, no, nonononononono I can’t do this again. Please no. I’ll do anything. I just want to go home please…_

The Condense laughed again, and Jake saw Dirk’s fingers clench around his sword. She placed one hand on her hip and beckoned towards Jake with the other. 

“Come here little Page, I think it’s time to show your friends your little party trick. Show them and my rebellious little villagers what happens when you meddle in matters you cannot begin to understand.” 

Jake felt everyone’s eyes on him. The heat of the sun, the sting of his wounds, the aching all over his body, the silent expectation of everyone around him, and _his goddamn head would not stop hurting_. He groaned as the pain escalated again. He heard someone talking but he couldn’t make out who it was. The voice began to grate against his head until it became a dagger digging into his temple. He pressed the heels of his palms against his head, trying to hold it together. It had to be coming apart, maybe he was dying. The back of his mind registered that Roxy and Jane had stepped away from him, and he felt his legs collapse and his knees slam against the ground. 

_Oh god please… let them get away._

The pain in his head escalated to an impossible level. Jake heard screaming- his own screaming he realized with some manner of shock- and then laughter. High-pitched and obnoxious. Then, thankfully and suddenly, the pain faded and he allowed himself to float away into the darkness.

  


Dirk gasped and took a half-step backwards, tripping over himself in the process. The pain barely registered as he gasped, open-mouthed, at Jake. Jake’s body convulsed on the ground. His hands grasped and scrabbled against the solid ground, desperate for some sort of purchase. Horrible screams ripped through Jake’s throat; so loud Dirk believed they would rip Jake apart. And, as quickly as it had started, the screaming subsided. Jake’s body lay on the sun-warmed platform, completely still. 

_Is he dead? No, he can’t be dead._

Dirk stood to move closer to Jake when the body twitched. His eyes narrowed in confusion as he watched Jake stand back up, facing away from where Dirk stood. His movements were irregular and jerky, like he needed to have his joints oiled. Dirk let out a sigh of relief. 

“Jesus man, I thought you were go-“ 

All of a sudden, Roxy’s arms were wrapped around his stomach as she pulled him backwards and away from Jake. Dirk made a noise of annoyance and pulled against her. 

“What are you doing Lalonde?! He needs us!!” 

Roxy’s arms tightened, barring his escape unless he wanted to hurt her. She was on the verge of tears and her voice shook with emotion as she spoke. 

“Dirk... that’s not our Jake anymore! Something is wrong. Please we need to get away!” 

“Lalonde, come on, Jake needs us! We can’t just leave him again! Don’t make me-“ 

Dirk choked on his own words as Jake turned to face them. His eyes… The dark forest green Dirk had fallen in love with had been replaced. His eyes now flashed an angry barrage of colors and, impossibly, numbers? Were those _pool balls?_ That didn’t make any sense. Jake’s face was twisted into a sinister smile that did not belong on his face. Roxy was right. 

Whatever that was, it wasn’t Jake English. 

  


Jane felt her body go into shock. Jake’s eyes were impossible. Her brain screamed at her to move, to run, to _get away_ , but her limbs would not respond. She watched, her eyes fixated in horror, as Jake’s body began to grow and change. It was ghastly and horrifying and made all sorts of unpleasant cracks and squelching noises, but she couldn’t look anywhere else but at those impossible eyes. 

She forced her eyes shut, willing this to just be a bad dream. Perhaps she had just used bad eggs in her last recipe and this was her body punishing her mistake. That was plausible. Everything that had happened or was happening couldn’t be possible. Perhaps if she refused to believe what has happening it would stop. 

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw were Dirk’s shades. They were reflecting the bright sunlight directly into her eyes. She raised a hand to block the light from her eyes and saw Dirk captured in Roxy’s bear hug, both of their expressions a mixture of shock and horror. Jane watched as Roxy’s arms went limp and dropped to her sides. 

_Well, shit. I suppose my methodology was off just a teensy bit._

As she followed their line of sight, a huge roar tore through the air. The air echoed with the sounds of the villagers’ panic as they rushed to retreat back to their homes. 

_No, no we can’t have lost like this. We barely even started. No…_

Jane felt her blood run cold as ice as she slowly turned to face the source. 

A huge, 5 meter monster stood where Jake had only moments before. Another ear-splitting scream tore from the monster’s huge, green maw. Its giant head was shaped like a skull with monstrous fangs. It was thick and muscular and very upset. The batterwitch broke into a fit of cackling before she spoke. 

“While you three sweethearts took your merry time getting here, I took the liberty of helping your friend here discover his true potential.” 

She smirked at the three of them as she walked over to the monster and patted its side lightly with her hand, like it was some kind of pet. 

“All pages need is a little guidance and they can be easily bent to a strong will. And I can be very persuasive if I have to be. It did take him a while to accept it but now he wouldn’t dream of disobeying me. Now he will do whatever I ask of him. Shall I demonstrate?” A broad grin broke out over her face as she turned and looked the monster straight in the eyes, “Take care of your little friends for your mistress, Lord English. They displease me.” 

Jane’s feet still refused to move as the monster roared and charged towards her. 

_This is it. I’m going to be killed by Jake English…._

_Who could have called that?_


	12. Chapter 12

Jake rubbed his eyes as he came to. His glasses were missing, but his headache was gone. Not even a dull pain remained. He sighed and looked around. This was a new place. It looked like he was floating in space, yet the ground beneath him felt solid. He tapped the ground with his index finger to make sure it was tangible. 

_Maybe I’m dead._ Jake pondered as his finger left a swirling pattern on the substance beneath him, _if so, this isn’t even half bad. It’s quiet and peaceful and my head doesn’t hurt._

He stood up and was surprised to find the tattered remains of his shorts had disappeared. 

_Blimey, and if I’m not all decked out in my birthday suit. This death thing seems pretty weird. I thought there would be other people here… Like grandma. Isn’t that what she always told you? That even death couldn’t separate people for long? That you would get to see her again when you went to heaven?_

Maybe he just had to go looking for them. He picked a random direction and began walking. Hopefully he was headed somewhere. His mind wandered as his feet plodded along. He wondered what had become of his friends. Had they defeated the batterwitch like Dirk said they were going to? Or were they somewhere here with him? Jake hoped they weren’t. He hoped that Dirk had managed to get revenge for him. 

After what felt like hours, the scenery began to change and Jake found himself in the jungle. But not just any jungle, _his_ jungle. He laughed gleefully and took off through the undergrowth, completely overwhelmed by the fact that he was so close to his home. Every trunk and every fallen tree called out to him, encouraging him to return home. His feet skimmed over the leaf-covered ground as he sprinted. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and felt the blood rushing throughout his body. Finally, he could see sunlight peeking through the leaves of the trees in front of him and he burst through them and blinked into the sudden bright sunlight. He raised his arm to shade his eyes and there it was. 

The front door was open, the screen door closed to keep out bugs and stray tinkerbulls like he always left it. The lawn was tidy, unlike the state in which he had left it after his skirmish at the beginning of this whole mess. He reached up to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn’t dreaming and his knuckles touched the smooth glass of his frames. When had those come back? Or had they never left? The whole thing must have just been a bad dream. 

The sun warmed him through his white t-shirt as he slowly walked towards the house, his pace no longer one of desperation. He felt the comforting weight of his pistols at his side and reached down to stroke the cool metal of the handle. The shock of the metal felt so real, so _normal_. He reached the steps and paused. Where was that creaking noise coming from? 

“Welcome back kiddo how was your walk?” 

Jake’s entire being froze, one of his legs resting on the top step and his hand on the railing. He knew that voice. It was an impossible voice. He hadn’t heard that voice in years. He forced his eyes up and nearly fainted. 

“…Nana?” 

She laughed a glowing, happy sound that was exactly as he remembered. 

“Who else were you expecting you silly boy? Your friends came over looking for you earlier and I told them you would be back soon. They insisted upon waiting for you so I insisted upon making them lunch.” 

She stood up, placing her hands on her knees as she pulled herself out of the creaky rocking chair. Her every movement was exactly how he remembered. And his friends? Didn’t they live on an island in the middle of the goddamn ocean? They couldn’t just come over and visit. Nana’s fingers suddenly came into his line of sight and her snap brought him back into focus. 

“What in God’s good name has gotten into you? Go along inside, I do believe they are all in the kitchen still.” 

He nodded and took hesitant steps inside. His mind whirled in a thousand directions at once. There was no way he had imagined Nana’s death or the fact that he had never had any tangible friends. Dirk, Jane and Roxy were his only friends; his only connections to the world, but he had never hugged or been able to touch any of them. His feet automatically directed him towards the kitchen where he had spent many hours teaching himself how to cook. The kitchen was as pristine as ever, and there were three familiar figures seated at the table talking in loud animated voices. They turned to face him when his footsteps clicked on the tile. 

“Jakeeeyyyy!! Ohmygod that was like the absolute longest walk ever!” 

A huge smile broke over Jake’s face. He could pick that voice out of a million others. Roxy, Jane and Dirk were all sitting around the table eating sandwiches like they belonged there. Seeing them all there brought tears to his eyes. They had finally filled the void that he had been lost in within this huge house. Concern filled all three sets of eyes. 

“Jake…?” 

Dirk scooted his chair back and stood up. The sunlight that came through the large window glinted off his shades as he walked over to Jake and wrapped him in a bear hug. Jake hugged him back, smiling through his tears. Suddenly more arms were around him and he realized he was smooshed in a group hug. They stayed that way for a few moments until Dirk spoke up. 

“Not that I’m not loving the crushing heat of hugging in 80 plus degrees Fahrenheit plus probably 100 percent humidity, but I’m not.” 

They all laughed and broke apart. Jake wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve and was somewhat startled when Dirk pulled him close again and kissed him full on the lips. The girls made the mandatory “ew” and “gross” and “get a room” comments, but Jake couldn’t force himself to care. When they broke apart, Jake saw his huge grin mirrored on Dirk’s face. He had never seen Dirk smile like that. When they plopped back down at the table, the conversation flowed lightly and easily. They all laughed and joked and ate until they were satisfied. At some point Nana made an appearance and joined them at the table where they talked for a long time. 

Time had never gone by faster. By the time they even thought to check, it was well past midnight. Jane’s phone started vibrating. 

“Oh crud, that’s my dad. He needs me home guys…” 

Dirk stood and brushed off his pants. 

“I guess that means I should go ahead and get that damn transmaterializer started up.” 

Jake’s mouth formed a perfect “o” as everything clicked. So _that_ was how they all were able to get here. Strider had been able to get that thing working after all. 

They all followed Dirk to the living room where a large transmaterializer had been rigged up. Jake watched in amazement as Dirk punched buttons and entered coordinates. After a few moments, Dirk straightened up and offered a hand to Jane. Jane went around, hugged everyone then thanked Nana. She stepped into the box, waved, and disappeared with a bright flash of blue light. This version of the transmaterializer worked a little differently than the one Dirk had been working on it seemed. Roxy went next (“I’ll see you all tomorrow! Byeeeee~”) and then there were only three of them left. 

Nana shot Dirk a meaningful look before leaving the room. Jake couldn’t help but laugh at Dirk’s flustered face and Dirk glared at him. 

“I can’t piss off your Nana or I swear she would fill me full of holes.” 

“Damn right I will!” 

Nana’s voice rebounded off the walls from the kitchen and Jake burst into hysterics. Dirk’s face turned beet red and he swore under his breath. This time, Jake came up and kissed Dirk. This kiss lasted a lot longer than the previous one in the kitchen and it left Jake breathless. He untangled himself from Dirk’s embrace and grinned. When had his life become so wonderful? He had friends he could visit with, a Nana to live with and a house that could be filled with laughter. Dirk’s finger was centimeters from the big “GO” button when suddenly another Dirk appeared right beside the transmaterializer. 

The new Dirk was wearing weird purple pajamas and was bleeding onto the carpet from several large gnashes on his body. He frantically pulled the shades from his eyes and looked around before his eyes lighted upon Jake. He grabbed Jake frantically by the front of his shirt and spoke, his breath hot on Jake’s face. 

“Dude, please you have to listen to me. This isn’t real. I know it looks real, but it isn’t. You’re trapped and I have to get you out because your real friends are in danger and we need you.” 

Jake’s heart plummeted. No, no it wasn’t fair. Everything had been so nice. And now this moron was coming and trying to ruin it. Ruin everything. Well, he wasn’t having it. 

“My real friends are here! I don’t know who you are or what you are doing here but if you would be so kind as to leave me the hell alone-“ 

Purple pajama Dirk groaned in frustration and annoyance. 

“We don’t have time for this Jake. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to have to do this, but I don’t have another choice.” 

He let go of Jake’s shirt, leaving bloody smears across the skull print and went over to the transmaterializer. He grabbed the Dirk Jake had just kissed, threw him to the ground and pulled out his katana. Before Jake could do anything, the pajama’d Dirk had stabbed the other one through the heart. Jake yelled in horror and began to run towards them, but the whole picture began to fall apart. Jake felt his legs collapse beneath him and he was falling.


	13. Chapter 13

Roxy had no idea what was happening. Dirk had yelled at her to get Jane as he charged straight at the monster. She had barely managed to snag the immobilized Jane before she would have been flattened. Roxy hugged her close before shaking her hard. 

“Janey you have to snap out of it! He- no it- almost killed you!” 

Jane drew a shuddering breath before exhaling slowly. Her eyes lost their confused daze before they narrowed in concentration. 

“Sorry Rox. I’m fine now I promise. However I think Strider needs us.” 

They both turned and raced over to where Dirk was currently dodging around the monster’s massive fists. Its movements were wild and uncalculated, something like the fighting style of the boy it had overtaken. Dirk’s head snapped up when he saw them. 

“Distract it for a second, I have an idea!” 

Suddenly, one of the blows slammed into Dirk and knocked him flying into the side of a nearby building. A scream of terror forced its way out of Roxy’s throat and she moved to go to Dirk, but Jane’s hand dropped onto her shoulder and held her back. Her nails dug into the material of Roxy’s shirt. 

“We need to distract it. Right now its entire focus is on Dirk.” 

“But-!” 

Jane shook her head. 

“We don’t have time for debate, let’s go.” 

Without waiting for a response, Jane zoomed away. Roxy bit her lip and grimaced. She watched as Jane flew in front of the monster in a haphazard pattern. It swung its fists at her; its movements somewhat ape-like. It growled in annoyance as she continued to evade its grasp. Roxy looked around, desperate for a way to help her friends. A large stone caught her eye and she had an idea. Now if she could just get the stone over the monster… 

It was heavier than it looked. The rough corners of the stone tore at her skin as her arms strained to tote it over to where Jane was. Jane recognized what she was doing and carefully lured the swinging fists away from Roxy. As she moved quickly through the air, a sharp pain singed her arm and she nearly dropped the rock. She bit her bottom lip and tried to ignore the pain. 

“Roxy!!” 

Jane’s cry of concern alerted the monster of her position and it whirled around to face her, teeth bared and snarling. Startled by the sudden movement, Roxy let go of the rock. Luckily, when the monster had whirled around it put itself directly beneath her arms. The rock collided into the monster’s skull with a sickening crunching noise. The monster grunted once in surprise and pain before its knees buckled and its body collapsed to the ground. Roxy sighed in relief and felt a smile crawl onto her face. 

“Roxy! Get down!!” 

Instinctively, Roxy allowed herself to drop quickly to the ground. As she fell, she felt something hot and bright go zooming over her head. Her eyes darted around as she searched for her attacker. 

The batterwitch stood with her legs apart, knees bent, trident smoking and dark eyes glaring right at her. 

“You glubbing little BITCH!” 

She screamed and again took aim at Roxy. Another beam of bright hot energy shot towards her and she barely had time to duck out of the way. 

“How dare you harm him like that!?!” Another bolt zoomed by her face, so hot Roxy felt it singe her cheek. 

“You may have knocked him out, but he can’t be beaten that easily! Unfortunately for you, you still must deal with me and I know your weaknesses! You filthy, slimy, idiotic, pieces of SCUM!!” 

Each insult was punctuated with a flash of energy and Roxy desperately searched for a place to hide or at least some sort of temporary shelter. Her arm hurt like hell. Eventually she backed into a solid wall and panicked for a second until she found that she was able to duck behind it. 

Her shoulders heaved in exertion as her mind finally caught up with her body. Once she caught her breath, she chanced a look at her arm and got a little queasy. The skin had been burned and had blackened grotesquely in some places while in others the skin was shiny and gross. It stung horribly and felt like it was still burning. Roxy had never been good with anything medical and had generally contacted one of the boys for guidance whenever she had hurt herself when she was home alone. Recalling some of her lessons, she carefully ripped part of her pajama shirt off and wrapped it delicately around the wound, grimacing in pain as she tied it securely. It still hurt, but at least she didn’t have to look at it. The wall behind her was getting brutally attacked by the batterwitch and it sounded like the wall was losing the battle. She could hear the crashing noises behind her as pieces of the wall crumbled away over the sound of the woman screaming profanities at her. She was running out of time to formulate a plan, but nothing was coming to mind. Roxy ground her palm against her forehead and groaned in annoyance and pain. 

She screamed out loud when Jane’s hand fell on her knee. 

“Jegus Rox it’s just me. Look, Dirk is trying to get Jake back with some of his weird mumbo-jumbo and we have to distract the batterwitch. I mean,” a smile came across Jane’s face, “you’ve been doing a bang up job by yourself, but I thought you would like some help this time.” 

Roxy nodded enthusiastically before Jane looked at her arm. 

“Are you sure you’re OK?” 

Roxy nodded again and carefully got to her feet, making sure to stay hunched over behind the wall. 

“I hope you’ve got a plan though Janey. I can’t think worth anything right now.” 

Jane smiled and grabbed Roxy’s hand. 

“Just follow my lead.” 

And she pulled them both into the open.  
  


  


Jake slowly worked his way back to consciousness. His head felt like someone had taken a jackhammer to it and he groaned. 

Woah. What was that noise? 

Had he made that noise? 

He blinked and waited for everything to come into focus. Jake nearly cried in relief when he saw Dirk looking down at him. So he was still alive! Even though he had killed himself. Nothing made sense anymore and it hurt his head even more to think about it. He would have to save thinking for later. What on earth had he been doing to make his head hurt like this?! Jiminy Cricket, was he going to have to take some aspirin or something later. 

“Jake?! Is that you…?” 

Jake opened his mouth to respond that yes of course it was him what a silly thing to ask, but all that came out was a low rumbling growl. He clapped his hands over his mouth then realized his hands were wrong. Why were they so large?! And green?! 

Suddenly, horrible realization washed over him. This is what she had done to him. He never remembered being conscious during the process, but he remembered her monologues telling her of the plans she had in store. This must have been part of what she was talking about. He had let her win. He was what she wanted him to be now and he didn’t know what to do. Was he truly that powerless against her? He sat up and stood on his feet, swaying slightly as the pain in his head almost forced him back on the ground. He growled in frustration and confusion. This couldn’t be happening, everything just kept going from bad to worse and he wanted it to stop. 

“Jake! You have to listen to me!” 

Dirk? Jake looked around before remembering that he was much taller than Dirk now and glanced downwards. Dirk looked pretty roughed up, but he was smiling. 

“Man, am I glad to see those bright green eyes again. They are a vast improvement from before.” 

Jake did his best to make his face look confused, but making facial expressions is hard when your entire face is a skull. Somehow Dirk understood. 

“You were possessed by something before and your eyes were flashing random colors and shit, but I really don’t have time to explain this right now dude. All you need to know is that what happened before was not real. That dream you had where you were back on your island? Yeah, that was your imagination hyped up on your powers that the batterwitch had been manipulating to keep you under control. But that is not important right now. I promise I will explain everything in full detail later but, right now I sort of need your help.” 

Dirk paused, carefully looking directly into Jake’s eyes. 

“Right now, we need to take out the batterwitch. Jake, we can’t do it without your help.” 

As confused and angry as he was, Jake knew Dirk was right. He looked over and saw the girls locked in combat with an angry batterwitch who had yet to notice his recovery. He wouldn’t let them hurt his friends anymore. Jake allowed his rage to overcome him and roared. If he was stuck in this form, he might as well use it to his own advantage. 

He noticed that Dirk had taken an involuntary step backwards, but right now, he couldn’t care less. His new body responded immediately and he began sprinting towards the fray. Nothing would stop him now. 

The batterwitch was done for.


	14. Chapter 14

“JAKE STOP!” Jane screamed as she watched him charge recklessly towards the enraged woman. He either didn’t hear her or refused to acknowledge that he had and he leapt towards the platform she was standing on with an enormous leap. He easily cleared the 15 foot jump and landed on next to the batterwitch with a solid thudding sound. They immediately began fighting, Jake as uncontrolled as ever. She was able to quickly get him back off the platform using a couple of shots and drove him further backwards, rendering his fighting skills useless. Jane was exhausted. Distracting the batterwitch to give Dirk time to get to Jake had been a serious trial for her and Roxy both. And Jake was going to ruin everything they had worked for just by being pigheaded and stupid! 

“JAKE GET AWAY FROM HER!!!” 

Roxy’s voice was edged with an air of slight panic and she moved to go over to them. Jane’s hand shot out and snagged Roxy by her collar, shaking her head. 

“Rox, if you get hit by one bolt things directly…” Jane’s voice trailed off; she couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. 

Roxy turned to Jane, an expression of disbelief written on her face. 

“Jane… We can’t just leave Jake to go it alone again. You saw how well that worked! We are his friends, and friends don’t let others do this sort of shit alone! We don’t have time for you to dream up a plan Jane, we have to go NOW.” 

She wrenched herself free of Jane’s grasp, the fabric of her shirt tearing a little in Jane’s grasp. Jane clenched her fists in frustration and flew after Roxy as fast as she could. She squinted through her frames as she watched the battle unfold before her. Dirk had caught up with Jake and they were both working steadily to get closer to the batterwitch. She had been able to keep them at a distance with her weird trident thing, but with all four of them approaching from different directions, it was becoming a difficult task. Jane followed Roxy and they again began working together to make the batterwitch’s life as infuriating as possible. Roxy shot an appreciative glance towards Jane as they threw stones of varying sizes at the batterwitch. Roxy cheered when she was able to hit the batterwitch in the head with a fairly good-sized rock. 

Jane fully realized the insanity of what they were doing, but the boys had all the real weaponry… Typical. 

“Jane!” A solid mass slammed into Jane from the side, pushing her to ground. She landed on her back and felt the breath forced from her body. Dazed and disoriented, she sat up and saw Roxy’s limp form lying next to her. 

“…No…no no no!” 

Jane heard a horrible cackling noise and knew that the batterwitch had done this. A sob clogged her throat as she went over to Roxy and carefully rolled her over. Roxy’s side was wet with blood, the skin around the wound burned and blackened. Jane desperately tore a large piece of her own shirt off and pressed it to the wound, thankful that Roxy had passed out somehow. She looked up and found herself face-to-face with the batterwitch, the trident pointed directly into her face. Jane’s blood ran like ice in her veins as fear froze her in place. 

“Did you seriously think that you wou-!” 

The victory monologue was suddenly cut off. Jake’s massive fists had finally connected with their target with a nauseating crunch and Jane watched as the now lifeless body of the batterwitch went weak at the knees and keeled over. Jane blinked in surprise and looked up into Jake’s eyes. His face was completely expressionless, (which she guessed made sense, seeing as it was nothing but a green skull) but he quickly went back over to where Dirk and himself had been standing moments before as they were fighting. Jane tore her eyes away from him, blocking the gruesome image of Jake crushing someone’s skull in from her memory, and forced her attention onto Roxy. She bit her lip and made sure she kept the cloth pressed firmly into Roxy’s side. There was so much blood. Too much. Moments later, Jake came back. The ground shuddered a little bit as he stepped closer to her and gently laid down something next to Roxy. 

Jane gave a distressed sob when she saw that it was Dirk. There was a gaping hole where his heart should be. The skin around the primary wound was singed just like Roxy’s side. Jake, still a gigantic green monster, roared. The air around them quivered with the sound of his grief and anger. The sound made Jane want to crawl into a dark hole where she could just be miserable for the rest of her existence. 

“Jake… Jake this isn’t your fault.” 

She knew exactly what he was thinking. “If” this and “if” that had always been Jake’s favorite points of meditation. Jake thudded to the ground and buried his horrifying face into his blood-stained claws. It was an odd image that was too human for his current form. Suddenly, Jake groaned and his body tipped over. 

“Jake?!? Please, please don’t!! This isn’t funny!!” 

Jane couldn’t leave Roxy to go to him and was forced to watch as his body convulsed and shuddered. She nearly collapsed in relief when she noticed that he was shrinking. The batterwitch’s hold over him was finally fading. Yet, Jane couldn’t bring herself to celebrate much. Jake’s face quickly filled in the skull he was stuck with before and his hands became the normal sized hands she had always dreamed of holding. Tears ran down Jane’s face, although she could no longer exactly pinpoint the reason she was crying. There were simply too many. 

“Jake…? Jake can you hear me?” 

He sat up, clearly confused and exhausted. 

“…Jane? What the devil-fucking Dickens is going on?” 

His head swiveled around to take in the scene and his face fell as he realized this wasn’t another dream he had. His face darkened in a way that scared her and chilled her to the core. 

“So… Dirk… and Roxy…?” 

Jane shook her head. 

“Dirk’s gone Jake, but Roxy… Roxy’s still hanging in there. She’s still breathing.” 

Slowly, the villagers had carefully come out of their hiding places around the square. Some of them carefully approached the batterwitch’s dead body and were carefully prodding it while others went up to the kids. They had curiously regarded Jake from a distance while some of them moved to aid Roxy and relieve Jane. Once they concluded that he was no longer a threat, they gathered around him and thanked him. One thoughtful villager had even thought to bring Jake a pair of pants, which he hadn’t even realized he was lacking. Jake could hardly bring himself to do anything except stare at Dirk’s immobile body. Jane watched him carefully from a distance as she did her best to help the Dersite doctors tend to Roxy. She wanted to go to him and hug him and tell him that it was going to be okay, but it wasn’t. 

She would be lying. Eventually, Jake stood up, not having shed a single tear, and came to sit by Jane. They watched as the doctors cared after Roxy for a while without speaking. 

Carefully, Jane put her arm around Jake’s waist and laid her head against his chest. He looped his arm around her waist and placed his chin on top of her head. They sat like that for awhile, each taking comfort in the other’s presence. 

“…I’m sorry Jane.” 

“Why? Jake, none of this was your fault. You don’t need to blame yourself-!” 

“Jane,” he carefully interrupted her, “I’m not apologizing for that. There’s no way I can do that. I can’t just say ‘I’m sorry’ and fix this. I’m sorry for being such an idiot. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to keep her from doing what she wanted with me. I’m sorry for not being more prepared and for not doing any good. I just…” he sighed heavily and Jane’s heart nearly snapped in two, “I’m sorry for making you all put up with me.” 

“Jake…” 

“Please Jane... I don’t know what else to do. How can we move on from something like this? …I’m not sure I can.” 

Jane pulled away from him and slapped him clean across the face. He fell over and put a hand to his cheek before looking at her in genuine surprise. 

“If you start talking like that Jacob English I swear to whatever deity that runs this mess that I will beat the ever-living shit out of you. You think that Dirk would want you saying things like that?? No! He would kick your ass so fast you wouldn’t even have time for so much as a “Boy Howdy” before you’d be on the ground hollering for mercy! Don’t you dare ever talk like that to me!” 

She turned away from him and burst into tears. Jake lay on the ground, stunned. He blinked a few times before he got up and carefully sat next to her again. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and held on to her shaking body as she cried. They stayed that way for awhile, until Jane completely exhausted herself and fell asleep in Jake’s comforting arms. He readjusted her, placing her head in his lap so he could watch over Dirk and Roxy. He leaned down and gently pushed her hair behind her ear before he kissed her forehead. 

“Thank god you have a mean right hook…”


	15. Chapter 15

Jane was startled into consciousness the next morning by an over-enthusiastic Jake shaking her awake. She slapped his hand away in annoyance, but Jake continued to plead with her to get up. She blinked a few times to adjust to the harsh sunlight and sat up, pushing her glasses out of the way as she rubbed her eyes. 

“For the love of all that is holy, Jake. Waking me up like that at a time like this…” 

She readjusted her glasses as Jake’s blurry outline came miraculously into view. He looked awful, his torso covered in various hues of blues and dark purple bruises, but there was a large grin plastered across his face. Jane felt a sudden rush of rage come over her. How could this asshole be so damn happy at a time like this? She opened her mouth to lecture him, but before she could say a word, Jake popped up from where they had been sitting and started talking. 

“Jane, Dirk’s not dead!” 

Jane stared at him cautiously, wary of where this conversation was headed… Did he really not know…? He took her silence as befuddlement and continued. 

“No seriously! Think about it. My dream self died a ways back right? And here I stand, alive and kicking! Granted, my dream self is in the ground back on Prospit, but the real me is alive (or the sort of real me I guess? Golly, all this is just so strange…)! So that means Dirk is just waiting for us back in the world we all came from. All we have to do is find a way back and both him and Roxy will be there waiting for us! I knew we couldn’t give up that easily!” 

Jake stood there; his face beaming with excitement while Jane felt her heart drop into the soles of her feet. This idiot… How could he not have realized by now…? She felt tears begin to well up in her eyes and her bottom lip trembled. Jake’s face dropped into a look of confusion as he sat back down next to her and put his arm around her. 

“I know it’s all loopy and confusing but you don’t have to cry anymore Janey! They’re both okay! It’s all-” 

Jane couldn’t take it anymore. She pushed his arm off her shoulder harshly and turned away from him. She had no desire to see that hope in Jake’s eyes fade away with what she was about to say. 

“Dirk’s not coming back, Jake.” 

Jake shook his head, 

“Janey, you aren’t listening to what I’m saying! _This_ Dirk isn’t coming ba-” 

Jane turned around and covered his mouth with her hand. Jake’s eyes locked onto hers, and the desperation she saw in them tore her apart. 

“Jake, didn’t you wonder why the batterwitch came after you in the first place?” 

He shook his head no and Jane carefully lowered her hand into her lap and stared at it for a few seconds before continuing. 

“When she pulled you, _real_ you, through that portal, she connected the two worlds. When she pulled you through, she was able to merge all of us with our dream selves. Don’t ask me why or how because… well…” 

Jane heaved a heavy sigh. 

“Because Dirk was the one who figured it out. He laid it out for Roxy and I before we left. We knew what we were getting into before we left to come get you. I’m sorry Jake.” 

She pulled him close to her and buried her face in his chest. His shoulders drooped and Jane swore she could feel him falling apart. She wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could, as if she could hold the pieces together. Suddenly she felt movement and Jake’s arms were wrapped around her as well. His chest rose and fell slowly and Jane could hear the comforting sound of his heart. The heart that cared so much for all the people he loved. The heart that was now held together only by sheer force of will. 

“I can’t give up though.” 

Jane looked up at him in confusion. 

“Jake…” 

Jake smiled softly. 

“I can’t believe that it’s over just like that. There has to be something. Something we can do to bring him back.” 

Why wouldn’t he just shut up?! Being illogical about something like this… how could he be so damned naïve?? 

“Jake, please stop talking like that. It just isn’t possible! He has a hole through his chest and-” 

“Well aren’t you just the life of the party, Janey?” 

Jane whipped around so fast she nearly knocked Jake off their seat. 

“Roxy?!?” 

Roxy was sitting cross-legged on the ground before them, a small smile on her face. She was more pale than normal, but she was awake and moving and alive. Relief washed over Jane as she nearly tackled Roxy to the ground with a wild hug. 

“Oh I’m so glad you’re okay! Roxy, don’t you dare ever save my life like that again I swear-!” 

“Come on Janey, I’m fine I promise! Those little Dersite guys really know what’s up. Look,” Roxy held up her arm so that Jane and Jake could see the bandaging around her side, “just like new, eh?” 

Jake offered a small smile before pulling Roxy into another hug. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” 

She smiled and kissed his cheek before pulling away slightly. Roxy held Jake at arm’s length and carefully looked him in the eyes before pulling him back into a hug. Jane saw her lips move in a whisper near Jake’s ear and watched as Jake nodded against Roxy’s shoulder. Roxy untangled herself from Jake before standing up and brushing herself off. 

“Janey. I have an idea… A way to bring Dirk back.” 

Jane opened her mouth to say how ludicrous the idea was, but Roxy held up a finger to shush her. 

“Look, I know this wouldn’t work back on Earth. And, fuck, it may not work here. But we have to try; we have to hope this will work. For Dirk. Just hear me out.” 

Jane could see that Jake’s entire being was focused on Roxy and she knew she wasn’t going to be heard, so she simply nodded and gestured that Roxy continue. They were only going to be disappointed. No one can simply snap their fingers and bring back the dead. That’s not how the world works. 

“Jane. You are the Maid of Life. You remember that, right?” 

Jane nodded; she remembered being told that by someone before. She had no idea what that meant and had just assumed it was a cool in-game title that she got to use. 

“Do you know what you can do with that?” 

Jane shook her head. This whole situation was about as clear as mud. 

“Do you know, Roxy? Because no one ever thought to explain anything about this damn-” 

Roxy raised a finger to shush her again. 

“I have an idea of what you can do if you so choose. Basically, I was talking to the guy who was helping me out after I came to. And he told me there are all these myths and stuff about the dreamers (aka peeps like us). That’s how the batterwitch knew about Jake’s “potential” and all of our “titles”.” She raised her hands and put air quotes around the words. “There are books on these legends and what they could mean, and apparently what we’ve just done is only scratching the surface.” 

Jake’s mouth hung open with an unasked question. Roxy rolled her eyes and nodded at him and he spoke. 

“Are you telling me that, what happened back there, with the large green monster and the transforming and the dreaming and…” he paused, searching for the right words, “and the downright _shenanigans_ that ensued back there…? That was all simply scratching the surface?!” 

Roxy shrugged. 

“Well, I would think so. Look, I’m certain that the batterwitch was manipulating and warping your abilities to suit her needs. Think of a piece of metal or like a steel beam or something like that. When someone bends it, it gets weaker even though it’s still a piece of metal and still incredibly strong. That’s like you. What she did made your abilities weaker than what they actually are because she twisted them around. Does that make any sort of sense to you, Jakey?” 

Jake’s head bobbed up and down excitedly. 

“So, what you are getting at here is that Jane has the ability to bring Dirk back?” 

Roxy looked at Jane and she felt her mouth dry out. No way. That… can’t be possible… right? The world started to blur and Jane leaned forward and closed her eyes. Her mind was moving a thousand miles an hour and the rest of her was barely keeping up. A soft touch on her shoulder pulled her back into this reality and she looked up into Roxy’s concerned face. 

“Janey? You alright there?” 

“Yes, I’m quite alright. Just a bit…erm…befuddled at the moment.” 

She took Roxy’s offered hand and allowed herself to be helped to her feet. Jane looked over at Jake’s hopeful expression and felt a swell of confidence. Bringing the dead back to life was impossible at home, but this wasn’t home. She would try. They had nothing to lose and Dirk’s life to gain. Jane pulled Jake to his feet-much to his surprise she noted with delight- and looked him square in the eye. 

“I know it isn’t much to go on, but you are going to have to help me. You’re the one who has even remotely accessed their potential, right? So now, you must teach me how to do so.” 

Jake spluttered as she began to pull him towards the center of the square. 

“But-I say, Jane, that _hurts_ \- I have no idea what to tell you! If the methods of unlocking your true potential are what the batterwitch tried, I’d rather not get into it. It really was no-my god your nails are sharp-!” 

Jane thought if she squeezed his arm hard enough, he would get the message and stop talking. Obviously, that was not going to work. Once they reached the middle of the square she stopped and let go of his arm. 

“Jake, please. All I’m asking you to do is tell me everything. What you felt, what you saw, what you experienced. I’m hoping that will be enough for me to puzzle out the rest of it.” 

He opened his mouth to protest, then thought better of it and nodded his consent. 

“Alright. I’ll do my best.”


	16. Chapter 16

Jake sighed and ground his hand against the middle of his forehead. They had been sitting there for at least an hour now and he didn’t want to talk about the batterwitch anymore. Every time he thought there couldn’t possibly be another question for her to ask, Jane would surprise him yet again. Her inquisitive nature, normally so endearing, was beginning to grind against his nerves. The brief overview he had given did not satisfy Jane, and he was beginning to doubt his answers ever would. She wanted every awful memory he could recall, but, truth be told, he didn’t want to recall. He liked the fact that a lot of his time with the batterwitch was covered in a haze of… deliriousness? No, perhaps that wasn’t the correct word for it, but he couldn’t think of anything better. His memory was all jumbled, but Jane seemed to believe that if she solved the puzzle, she would be able to save Dirk. Jake desperately hoped she was right, but he was unsure of how much she could glean from this exercise. When he had transformed, it just sort of happened. He supposed it had been building up inside of him for a long time, but he couldn’t recall when it happened or how it began. 

“Jake, come on, answer me. When did you first start feeling “unlike yourself”?” 

She put air quotes around her words to reference his answer to her previous question. Jake sighed. 

“Look, Jane, I understand and deeply appreciate what you are trying to do here, but I honestly don’t know. I woke up that morning, went outside, got my ass kicked, went back home and had a shower, talked to Dirk and then *BOOM* catastrophe in my kitchen. I’m almost certain I started feeling strange after that, but there’s no way I could pinpoint the exact time because I didn’t realize what was happening. I was too busy panicking and trying not to completely lose my marbles, because, let’s face it, having beings from another dimension break into your house and kidnap you seems pretty damn ridiculous and impossible.” 

Jane remained silent and Jake’s chin dropped onto his chest in defeat. 

“I’m sorry Jane, I really am trying to remember I just-“ 

“Shush” 

Jake snapped his head back up to look at Jane. 

“What?” 

“I said “Shush”, Jake now hush.” 

Jake blinked a few times in confusion as he watched Jane. Her eyes were open, but they were unfocused. She was completely lost in thought and Jake had no idea what to do. So he just sat there and waited. At some point, Roxy came down and tried to strike up conversation, but Jake shushed her and all three of them sat there in complete silence. About fifteen minutes later, Jane spoke up. 

“Jake, Roxy, I think I understand what happened to Jake.” 

Two sets of eyes blinked at her, completely lost. She smiled and began speaking. 

“Alright, hear me out. Do you remember how I had to come here from Prospit? On the way here, I talked to some of the people on board. We were passing time by telling stories and they had some pretty amazing yarns. To be honest, I’d forgotten about them until Jake reminded me of one. An old passenger began recounting the story of a young boy who could harness the powers of hope and turn them into acts of unbelievable power. He would encourage people through his actions and always worked his hardest to be kind to those around him. However, one day, a huge fight broke out in the middle of a town between two powerful gangs of thugs and many innocent people were killed in the crossfire. Those people included some of the boy’s best friends. When he heard tidings of these sad affairs, he fell into a state of panic and depression. He lost his ability to hope and fell into a deep despair. This utter loss of hope reversed the affects of the abilities he once had and turned him into a beast; one no longer able to produce miracles or feelings of optimism, but ones of fear and hatred. Whatever piece of the boy that remained in the monster was able to banish himself to the mountains where he was unable to harm anyone that he cared about. Years passed, and one of his closest friends set out to find him. It was said that when she found him, he was on the verge of death, his naked body lying curled in a cave. She ran to him and held him close, tears rushing down her face. The boy reached up and wiped away her tears, telling her not to cry any longer because she had restored his hope. He told her that he had been unable to control the beast for more than a few moments before he fell back into darkness. But as the years went on, the boy began to get stronger and stronger and eventually was able to overthrow the beast. By that point, however, his body had been pushed to its maximum and he had collapsed; unable to move from the cave. He refused to give in to the feelings of hopelessness that pulled at his heart and lay on the cavern floor, waiting for someone to come and save him. His friend carefully took him back to town, elated that he was alive and back to his old self.” 

Jake looked to Jane to continue the story, but that seemed to be the end. He glanced at Roxy and saw his confused expression mirrored on her face. Jane smiled and shook her head. 

“Don’t you two see? Jake’s abilities come to him based on his state of being. As outside situations affect him, his abilities change.” 

“That’s wonderful and all Janey, and super cool for Jake, but how does that help us right now? Can Jake hope Dirk back to life?” 

Jake almost breathed a sigh of relief; he wasn’t the only one missing something. 

“No no no! Don’t you see?” 

Jane leapt to her feet and went over to where Dirk’s body still lay. She sat down in the small indentation Jake had made and closed her eyes. Her concentration mesmerized both Jake and Roxy. Her breathing slowed and her mouth moved in soundless words. Minutes passed like hours, but nothing happened. Suddenly, Jane jumped to her feet with a loud cry of frusteration. 

“Why won’t this work?! I just… I just…” 

Her knees collapsed and she fell to the ground sobbing. Roxy stood and ran over to her, kneeling close to her best friend. Her mouth opened and closed as she searched for the right words to comfort Jane, but it looked like she wasn’t going to find any. Jake stood and walked over to where the girls sat. As he went to put his arms around them a shooting pain shot up his arms and forced him a step backwards. 

“What the devil-fucking Dickens do you think you’re doing? That hurt…!” 

There was no reaction from either of them. 

“Jane…? Roxy…?” 

He walked around to Dirk’s other side to get a better look at the girls. What he saw nearly knocked him over. Roxy and Jane’s eyes were both glazed over; Roxy’s hand frozen on Jane’s arm. Jane’s fist was balled into Dirk’s shirt, revealing the careful bandaging Jake had done earlier. Jake waved his hands in front of their faces and called out to them, but to no effect. They couldn’t hear him or see him. He bit his lip hard, trying not to panic. _They left you again, English. They aren’t coming back this time. This time they’ll leave you for sure. Just like everyone else._ He shook his head angrily. _**No**_. He refused to lose hope again. Patience was required; they would come back and they would definitely be okay. He sat down and pulled his knees to his chest. He would wait as long as it took. 

  


Roxy blinked and rubbed her eyes before sitting up. Where the heck was she? The area around her was dark, but small strings of orange light blinked through the darkness like Christmas lights. Upon further inspection, it looked like the lights were clinging to the walls somehow. They were strangely beautiful and seemed to be leading her further into the darkness. As she moved to follow the trail, she nearly tripped over Jane. 

“Janey?! You’re here too?! Omg thank god I was so worried I was alone.” 

She offered her hand and helped Jane to her feet. 

“Roxy? How on earth did we get here? And where exactly is here?” 

“Damn girl I was really hoping you would know the answer to that.” 

Jane smiled and gave a small chuckle. 

“Well, you seemed to have a plan in mind when you tripped over me. Where were you headed?” 

Roxy gestured towards the orange lights. 

“They look like they’re leading us somewhere. I thought I should probably follow.” 

Jane shrugged and nodded in approval. 

“That sounds like a good enough plan for me. Let’s go!” 

Roxy took the lead and they began following the twisting walls of the cavern. Strange, unearthly sounds reverberated off the walls, but neither of them hesitated. Gradually, the pathways began to widen and the lights grew larger and shone more brightly than where they first started. A final turn around a corner and the trail opened up into a large room. The lights zoomed around and around the room like lights on a motherboard. Roxy felt her breath catch in her throat; it was so incredibly beautiful and intricate. Jane tugged Roxy’s sleeve and jerked her attention away from the lights towards the center of the room. There, a figure was hunched over a desk, scribbling away manically on a piece of paper. Hundreds of other pieces of paper littered the floor around the desk, clearly plans that had been discarded. 

“Jane…?” Roxy whispered, “is that…?” 

Jane swallowed and nodded slowly. 

“Yeah… I think that’s Dirk.”


	17. Chapter 17

Roxy carefully stepped closer to the figure hunched over the desk. Her steps echoed loudly against the floor, heedless of her slipperéd feet, yet the figure did not turn around. She could feel her heart pounding against her chest, but couldn’t fathom why. This was Dirk! Right? They had been best friends for as long as she could remember. So why was she so afraid? She reached out a hand to touch his shoulder when his head whipped around. She flinched and drew her hand back before she was able to catch a glimpse of his face. Tears had left tracks through the thick grime that coated his face. He reeked of grease and metal, sort of like a hardware store. His shades were gone, exposing his bright orange eyes. Roxy couldn’t help but stare at them, but Dirk hardly noticed. He stared back at her hand for a second before wiping his face with the back of his arms, succeeding only in smearing his face further. He turned back to his work. 

“What do you want?” 

His voice was rough and unkind. Roxy opened her mouth to scold him for being so rude to her, and then thought better of it. 

“We’re here to help you, Dirk.” 

“I don’t need your help. I’ve almost figured it out.” 

Roxy shot Jane a look of confusion and Jane shrugged. Roxy motioned for Jane to join her as she spoke. 

“What are you working on?” 

“A robot.” 

“Oh! So something like Sawtooth and Lil’ Hal?” 

Dirk sighed irritably. 

“No.” 

Roxy almost slammed his head into the desk. He was being such a shit, what the hell was wrong with him? 

Jane stood on Dirk’s other side and peered over his shoulder at his plans. When he moved to block her view, she rolled her eyes. 

“Dirk, do you even know where you are?” 

“Of course.” 

“And where is that? Because we seem to have been dragged in here as well.” 

“Bardo, limbo, the “in-between” place. Call it whatever you want. And honestly I don’t really understand that much about it. The fact that you managed to get here is just another mystery. Anyway…” 

He gestured to the mess of papers and pieces of machinery covering his desk. 

“I’m stuck here until I can figure out how to get out. And this is the only way I can think of. So I’d really appreciate it if-“ 

He paused and glanced over at Jane. 

“Don’t tell me you two died as well and we left English all alone back there.” 

Jane shook her head “no” and Dirk’s shoulders slumped with relief. 

“That’s good. You should probably get back to him. Just hurry up and leave like you always do. I don’t have time for this.” 

Roxy sighed and slid down the leg of the table to sit on the floor. 

“Not sure what you mean by that but, that’s the problem Dirk. We don’t know how to get back to him. For all we know, we may not be able to get out of here.” 

Dirk massaged his temples with his thumb and forefinger. 

“Are you shitting me, Lalonde? You came here with no idea of how to get back? Are you both really that stupid?” 

Roxy lost it. She stood up and shoved Dirk off his chair. He hit the ground hard and looked up at her in shock. She moved to his desk and cleared it entirely with one sweep of her arm. 

“How dare you?!? We came all the way to wherever-the-fuck-this-is and we have a chance to save you and all you can do is call me stupid? Who’s the one asshole sitting in here on his ass trying to design a fucking robot to take him out of limbo? That’s literally one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard!! You know we all thought we would never see you again? You died you fucking idiot. And we show up here, and see you, and all you can do is be your stupid, sealed-off, aloof, conceited self! We just want you to come back. And now that we’ve found a way, you aren’t interested? You don’t care about us or about Jake? Do you know how many hours that stupid kid has spent by your dead body? He kept changing the bandages on a dead body, Dirk.” 

Roxy paused to wipe angrily at the tears that were streaming down her face. 

“You know, I really thought this was going to go differently. I thought Jane was going to be able to bring you back, but all that happened was this stupid encounter. I couldn’t stop thinking about how you were going to just pop up and give me a hug. I still can’t tell you how we got here but I thought… I thought we had been given a gift. Someone was looking out for us. Someone wanted something good to happen to us. I…I…” 

Suddenly, Dirk’s strong arms were around her and she could feel his body shuddering and hear his sobs in her ear. They sat there for a moment while Roxy waited for Dirk to compose himself. Eventually he spoke. 

“I’m so sorry. I just… I couldn’t accept that you were actually here. My mind keeps playing tricks on me and…and I just thought… maybe you would go away like all the others if I ignored you.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“But if you’re actually here, I think… I think I know what to do.” 

Dirk stood and pulled her to her feet. Roxy paused. 

“’Others?’” 

Dirk shook his head. 

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

Roxy nodded in understanding. 

“It’s okay Strider. I promise we aren’t leaving here without you.” 

Dirk took a deep breath and smirked. 

“Alright so… what’s the plan?” 

Jane smiled at them and offered a piece of paper to Dirk. 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. Is this… about us?” 

Dirk flushed a little and took the crumpled piece of paper to flatten it out on his now-clean desk. 

“I’ve been doing a lot of brainstorming… I think… Uh okay. Since Roxy is the “Rouge of Void” and Jane is the “Maid of Life” if we try we should be able to combine the two.” 

Roxy and Jane both exchanged looks of disbelief and Dirk sighed. 

“Okay just listen. As a life player, you can bring people back to life and as a void player you have control over space and matter. If we combine your abilities,” he paused and brought his hands together, “then it follows you both should be able to get me out of here and bring me back to life… I mean, you somehow managed to get here, you just have to take me with you this time.” 

Jane closed her eyes for a second before speaking. 

“So, whatever we did to get in here we do again to get out?” 

Dirk shrugged. 

“I mean that’s how shit like this normally goes down right?” 

Jane rolled her eyes. 

“I don’t know. I’ve never quite found myself in this situation before, Strider.” 

Dirk smirked. 

“Take a joke, Crocker. Have you been listening to this conversation? It’s all new for all of us. And also slightly insane.” 

Jane smiled and shrugged. 

“Fair enough. Alright. Um… Roxy?” 

Roxy hurried over and grabbed both of them so they were all sitting down. 

“Now Jane has to be touching Dirk and I have to be touching Janey right? I think that’s how we did it before.” 

They reorganized themselves and sat there for a moment. The seconds dragged on like years and Dirk began to worry that something was wrong. Should it be taking this long? Should they switch positions or something? Was he going to be stuck here forever?? Just as he was about to voice his concern, the lights in the cavern began going crazy. Blues and bright pinks began coursing through the walls, mixing with the orange and dancing like fireflies. He tried to stand and go take a closer look, but Jane’s hand forced him to stay in place. Her eyes were a milky white color and he began to panic. Something had gone wrong! He tried to call her name, but his voice was soundless. He tried to force himself to stay calm, and took deep breaths. The room began to go fuzzy and he could feel himself beginning to pass out. Jane’s hand gave his a sharp squeeze and he clung to the feeling. Suddenly the hand tugged harder and harder on his arm and he could feel himself moving away. 

_It’s working. It’s working!!_

He closed his eyes and let himself be carried. A huge wave of pain slammed into him and rocked his body. He flinched and tried to pull away, but Jane’s hand remained firmly locked around his wrist. Wave after wave hit him and he could hear himself yelling for it to stop. The pain settled into his chest and burned a hole right over his heart. Finally, happily, Dirk felt himself losing consciousness and sank into the welcome relief of the darkness. 

  
Jake had fallen asleep right next to his friends. He had tried staying awake, but his injured body simply wouldn’t allow him to go another day without any sleep. He woke to a frantic shaking from Roxy. 

“Jake?! Jake, honey you have to wake up, I think we did it!” 

He rubbed his eyes in confusion before his mind was able to catch up with his body. ‘Did it’? ‘Did’ what? 

“Oh!” 

He sat up and went to Dirk’s side as quickly as he could, ignoring the protests from his body. Roxy sat down next to him and Jane was on the other side of Dirk, pulling off the bandages. Before Jake could protest, she pulled off the final layer to reveal… nothing. The skin beneath the bandages was smooth and perfectly fine. The gaping hole that had stared up at Jake was gone. He carefully reached out and ran his fingers across the skin, just to prove it to himself. A wide smile broke across his face. 

“I can feel his heart beating. He’s alive.” 

Dirk, as if he was responding to Jake’s touch and words, jerked and coughed himself awake. 

“Of course I’m alive, jeez, I couldn’t just leave you all to fend for yourselves.” 

Jake just sat there in astonishment. He wasn’t sure whether to cry or laugh or throw himself at Dirk. Roxy was the first to react and nearly jumped into Dirk’s arms. He laughed and hugged her tightly. Jane wrapped her arms around both of them from behind and buried her face into Dirk’s back, her shoulders shaking in relief. Jake grinned and jumped right in the middle. And they stayed that way for a long time. Just the four of them. 

The people of the town came back out the next morning and were equally as surprised and pleased to see Dirk alive as the other three had been. They thanked him profusely and expressed their delight at him being alive and asked him more than once if he would be interested in a leading role in their society. Now that they batterwitch was gone, they were fairly unsure how to run a country. Dirk just shook his head every time and told them that now it was time for them to run their own land. No more outsiders would be fit to rule such a place. They were a little disappointed, but respected him for his decision. 

Eventually, they would set up a sort of parliamentary government that would rule peacefully for hundreds of years of prosperity. 

The next few days they spent rounding up the batterwitch’s goons and placing them in the prison they had once run. Roxy and Jane carefully selected a new prison staff while Dirk headed the operation himself. Jake refused to set foot anywhere near the cells. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He would help in other ways and Dirk made sure to tell him that all of them were safely locked away when the deed was done. They had been doing a lot of good, and Jake was extremely proud of what they had accomplished. 

But right now, Jake really just wanted to go home. He had had his adventure and had almost lost everything he held most dear. One day, he went into the batterwitch’s chambers, where all of her shit had been placed for later removal and scouted out the trident she had used to open up the portals. He hoped someone would be able to teach him to use it and he could take all of his friends home. As he walked down the flights of stairs, he almost ran smack into Dirk, who was coming up the same way. Jake flushed all the way up to his ears and smiled. 

“Blimey, sorry there mate, I didn’t hear you coming up.” 

Dirk smiled, “But boy did I hear you coming down. You shouldn’t let that thing drag on the ground like that.” 

Jake laughed and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. 

“Yeah… I suppose my thoughts just aren’t with me right now.” 

Dirk took another step up so he was only a step below Jake. Jake could feel his eyes burning into his own, even if the shades concealed them from view. 

“What’s distracting you, English?” 

Jake bit his lip and looked down at his shoes. 

“I… I want to take everyone home. That’s why I went to get this thing. I just want-“ 

“Roxy told me you hardly left me the whole time.” 

Jake was dumbstuck. 

“Uh…what? What are you on about then?” 

“I wanted to say thank you.” 

“For what?!” 

“For not giving up on me. For believing in me and in the girls. For doing what I couldn’t.” 

“Dirk… all this was my fault. If I had been more careful and…and… you almost died because of me and I just want to take everyone home so they can be safe and I’ll just go back to the island where I can’t cause any more trouble and-” 

He suddenly found himself pressed up against the wall, Dirk’s mouth pressed against his own and nothing he was saying made sense anymore. The weapon fell out of Jake’s hand with a loud clatter, but neither of them seemed to notice. This felt different than when they had kissed back in Jake’s mental fantasy. This was real. Dirk’s thumbs had slipped under the coarse fabric of the shirt Jake was wearing and his hands were gently keeping Jake pressed to the wall. They stayed like that for awhile, Jake’s arms wrapped around Dirk’s neck, before both of them broke apart, breathless and giggling. 

“You know, the last time we did that, you came out of nowhere and killed yourself.” 

Dirk grinned, “Well that’s because that wasn’t me. I do believe this to be a much better memory to have of our first kiss, yeah?” 

Jake smiled and pretended to swoon, “Golly, Mr. Strider you sure have a way of romanticizing! A dark stairwell, however shall I top this?” 

Dirk rolled his eyes and pinched Jake in the side. “Yeah, make fun of me if you want, but if I were you I-” 

“Oh my goooood, did they really climb all the way up here? So scandalous…!” 

“Dang it Roxy, if they hadn’t heard us before now of course they have. Dirk? Jake? Are you all up here?” 

Jake chuckled and grabbed the trident off the floor. Dirk sighed. 

“Guess that’s that then…” He turned and yelled down the stairs, “Yeah we’re up here!” 

“Ugh, good! I was beginning to think we lost you guys. Come down here, we have to talk to you.” 

Jake shot Dirk a look of confusion and Dirk shrugged, turning to walk back. Jake made sure to keep the trident from bouncing down the stairs. Roxy and Jane were waiting at the bottom of the stairs for them. Roxy shot Dirk a knowing look, and Dirk stuck his tongue out at her. Jane cleared her throat. 

“I think we all know what we have to talk about. I know Roxy shares my sentiments, but…um… we aren’t sure how to go about getting it done. It’s obvious we can’t stay here forever and- why are you two smiling at me like that?” 

Jake smiled and showed her the trident. 

“I think we are all on the same page here.” 

Dirk grinned, “Gee, I see how it is, English.” 

“Haha, very funny. You know what I meant.” 

“Prison changed you, dude.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Oh my god the flirting I swear I’m going to vomit on both of you if you don’t stop talking.” 

Roxy gestured to the object in Jake’s hand. 

“Just what are you planning on doing with that?” 

“Okay look,” Jake handed her the trident, “this is what the batterwitch was using to open portals and stuff. So maybe we can learn how to make it work and use it to get everyone home.” 

Jane smiled and clapped her hands together. 

“So we have a way of getting back??” 

Jake smiled and nodded. Roxy rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 

“It should be fairly simple. I’m just…” 

She swallowed. 

“I don’t… want to go back to the way things were. I don’t wanna just talk to you guys over pesterchum or anything like that. I… I like this. All of us being together. Do you think…do you think we could use this to keep in touch? Like could we use this to visit one another?” 

Dirk gently took the trident from her. 

“I think we should take this one step at a time. Let’s make sure this works.” 

Before anyone could say anything otherwise, Dirk closed his eyes and drew a circle in the air. Much to Jake’s surprise, the circle hung there, suspended in the air. Dirk slammed the trident into the ground and the circle began defining itself. The sides became solid and a fuzzy image filled the center. Jake’s mouth dropped open in astonishment when he saw the picture solidify into his island. There was the house! And the lake! He took a step forward, reaching his arm out to touch the surface. Jane’s hand dropped on his shoulder and pulled him back. 

“What are you doing?! We don’t know where that leads! Dirk, how on earth did you know how-?” 

“No, no, Jane, look! That’s my house! That’s my island! It works!!” 

Roxy squealed in delight. 

“Ohmygod let’s go! I wanna see all the monsters and stuff you talk about! Please please pleaseeeeee!” 

Jake laughed when Roxy wrapped herself around his arm and pulled him back towards the portal. Jane paused. 

“Shouldn’t we leave a note or something? Saying we’ve gone?” 

Roxy shrugged. 

“Nah, make it part of the mystery. That’s more fun anyway. So can we pleaseeeeeee go now?” 

“Alright alright, we’re going! Don’t pull my arm off. Are we headed all together then?” 

Dirk grinned. 

“1…2…3!” 

On the count of three, Dirk yanked the trident out of the ground and tackled all three of them through the portal. They emerged on the other side, a pile of tangled limbs. The grass was warm and familiar beneath Jake’s back. Such relief filled him that he hardly minded Roxy’s foot in his stomach. 

“Alright, someone is crushing my shades against my face, we have to untangle ourselves.” 

The process took a few moments, but eventually they were all standing on the hill, overlooking the beach. 

“It’s beautiful.” 

Jake glanced at Jane. 

“I know. And now you all get to enjoy it. Golly, I don’t even know where to start.” 

Roxy grabbed his hand and Jane’s and began pulling them towards the house. 

“Let’s start with a nice home-cooked meal eh Jakey? You always brag about your cooking abilities and I’m willing to test them.” 

Dirk laughed as he watched them stumble on their way towards the house. He casually spun the trident around his body before holding it still in front of himself. It was hard to imagine that a piece of metal could be a tool of such devastation. All that torment that she caused, all the pain… he shook his head. There was no use in thinking such things. All of it had passed. This was their lives now. A sudden, loud commotion pulled him out of his thoughts. 

“Goddamn it Dirk! I found your damn robot! Ow! Hey STRIDER!” 

His face broke into a smile. This was going to be an adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Golly. Eight months working on this. It’s so bittersweet writing the final words. Wah, I’m emotional. :/  
> Anyway,  
> I hope you all really enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for staying with me through all the infrequent updates and the craziness that is this story! As this is my first fanfic ever (gulp!) I was so amazed by all your kind reviews and was inspired to keep going! Thank you guys and hopefully I’ll have something else in the works soon!  
> PS: If anyone wants to drop me a recommendation for a prompt or something like that I would be more than willing to accept them! I’ll leave my inbox open for you lovely people. :33


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